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How not to get raped

Don’t dress like a slut. Whether you’re going to work, walking the dog, nipping out to Tesco’s, jogging, going out for a walk, to a friend’s house, a night out, your boyfriend’s house, the cinema, the gym, the doctor’s, make sure you aren’t dressing like a slut, you slut. (Even though there’s no evidence that seeing an inch of cleavage turns a normal dude into a rabid monster who will attack you.)

However, research has shown that attackers go for women whose clothes can be easily removed (like loose, baggy clothes or clothes with zips.) So, don’t wear loose clothes either – wear tight clothes. Which may look slutty. You slut.

Don’t walk alone at night – are you an idiot as well as a slut? Get a man to walk you home because women aren’t able to fend for themselves and should rely on men.

However, most rape victims are raped by friends, acquaintances, family and partners. So don’t ask your friend or date to walk you home, or they might rape you. Which would be your fault, you brazen whore.

As we’ve already learned, you are in danger from family, friends and acquaintances. You can protect yourself by:

Being born to a lone mother with no male relatives or other male children. This takes care of possible paedophilia or incest from your family.

Not talking to any of your fellow male pupils, students or coworkers so they don’t become friends or acquaintances and rape you. You might get referred to psychiatric services, lose all your friends or get fired, but it’s a small price to pay for being safe

Another risk comes in the form of date-rape. You should avoid this by not dating, and instead having one-night stands with strangers.

An important thing to remember is that although most victims are attacked by someone they know, you can still be attacked by a stranger. So don’t go out anywhere, because anywhere you go, you could meet a stranger.

However, if a rapist breaks into your house they could attack you there. Living with your partner or parents is no help either, as it is common for women to be attacked in their own homes by friends or family. So, really, you shouldn’t have been born female.

Though transitioning to being a man isn’t any help, because men get raped too – by women and by men.

So there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to prevent rape. Everything you do to avoid it brings its own risks.

Above all: be ready to shag absolutely anyone, because if you’re consenting then it isn’t rape so you can’t be raped. May the sluttiest woman win.

And remember, if you do get raped, it’s your fault for being a slut and you shouldn’t be ruining the rapist’s life by daring to out him or report him to the police. Because it was all your fault, slut.

***There is nothing you can do to avoid it, and why should you even try? It’s the rapist’s responsibility to ensure he doesn’t rape.***

 

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2012 in Feminism

 

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‘Like’ if you want BSkillet outed

I have for over 48 hours known “slutvote” blogger BSkillet’s full name, photo, age and which company he works at. And lots of other random info about where he previously lived, etc.

I know that outing him is not illegal, as I am a private individual. And I think that as a private individual, outing him is more ethical than if I were a journalist because news corporations have their own agendas, e.g. readership, site hits, luring advertisrs; and money is always behind such agendas.

And as an anonymous person, I cannot be seeking fame or kudos by outing him.

However I’m still not sure if it’s ethical and I cannot make up my mind as to whether it is ethical. I normally am against outing people unless they’re really, really bad. But BSkillet isn’t just trolling, he really believes in what he says so I think this is serious because it’s real hate, not just joking or trolling.

So I will leave you all to decide. Anyone who reads this and wants BSkillet outed, just click ‘like’ on this post, or tell me any other way you would like to (a comment, a tweet – I’m @KalikaGold on Twitter.) I’m not looking for an arbitrary number like 10, 50 or 100 people, just trying to get a feel of how many of you think it is ethical/want him outed, vs the number of people who view this page. If a lot of you want him outed by tommorrow, I’ll do it. Or maybe leave it till the 12th – it depends on how many people view the page. I’m not a fan of arbitrary time limits because they aren’t always that fair.

Kali xx

 

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Why the #slutvote bigot matters: BSkillet’s network, the virgin/whore dichotomy and rape culture

Last night @susiebright tweeted a misogynistic blog rant from Christian Mens’ Defence Network about the slutvote, which Gawker immediately reported. The blog was immediately put on private and BSkillet’s Twitter account deleted. People, me included, started tweeting links to the Google caches of his other blog posts and I found his cached Twitter and Topsy record. UPDATE: Hours later, Jezebel ran the story and after midnight on 9 Nov The Independent ran it too. A few bloggers have blogged about it.

Now, some might ask: Why does this one loony nut matter? Sure, he wants to take the vote away from women, thinks wonen are either sluts or ‘good’ [repressed] women, that sluts get ‘cash and prizes’ for having ‘illegitimate’ children and that blacks are ‘illegitimate’ and lazy. But he’s alone. Outnumbered. Powerless.

The reason why he matters is that throughout the election, daily US politics and the usual UK  politics, the right-wingers never admitted that they are anti-choice or want anstinence education because they want to control womens’ sexuality. They use these tools to enforce the virgin/whore dichtomy – punish the sluts by making them pregnant so they will be stigmatised, which means women will be forced to be repressed, ‘good’ women. It’s a vicious circle. These religious, patriarchal men – and yes, these patriarchal women too [stand up, Nadine Dorries, three-times abortion limiter and abstinence education FOR GIRLS ONLY enforcer] believe in the virgin/whore dichotomy. They believe women are less sexual than men, and if you’re not then you’re deviant – a slut- and must be punished. Their greatest fear is that one day all women will be free to be as slutty as their brothers, fathers and sons. But did Nadine or Jeremy Hunt or Rick Santorum admit this? No. They kept it hidden. But BSkillet81 has happily admitted it for them.

BSkillet is very valuable to the west, and to Scotland as Rhoda Grant’s attempt to make all sexwork a crime in Scotland hovers over us. She is backed up by the lies of well-funded anti-sexwork NGOs such as Turn Off the Red Light and the Ruhama Agency who ran the Magdalene laundries. They are using social media to disseminate their lies.

Never again will we be fooled by politicians’ excuses and lies when they talk about limiting abortion, enforcing abstinence education, limiting the definition of rape, etc.

Another reason why BSkillet is important is that he isn’t alone. There are several sites like his, on which he comments a great deal. I will link to these at the bottom of his post. BSkillet is just one of many who share his views. He is part of a network of Red Pill Ministries bloggers. Others are even more vitriolic than he is. And the comments often compare the “good married woman’s legitimate children” to “the slut’s brood” and “the slut’s bastards”, as well as seemingly believing that all married women are housewives who shoul fear the sluts “opening their legs to lure away a good provider”. (But then the slut would be the good married woman and the married woman, who is now a lone mother, would be a slut?)

BSkillet is also improtant because he gives us an insight into a rapist’s or rape apologist’s mind: the misogyny, the grouping of women into virgins and whores and the victim-blaming that is made possible by this – (‘she was asking for it’.) What he writes seems shocking to us, yet it is all around us. This is merely the cesspool from which rape culture arises. When women are told not to dress a certain way in case they get raped, when Megan Stammers and Amanda Todd were slutshamed, when politicians stigmatise ‘teen pregnancy’ and lone motherhood, when sexworkers become the victims of Reclaim the Night and Rape Crisis Scotland, it is BSkillet’s views which are at the bottom of it.

Perhaps we were so disgusted with BSkillet’s writing because it was like looking into a mirror. When we look at the cached pages, we are seeing the views of rape culture and of many people in our society finally shorn of all gloss, pretence and excuses. We are seeing into Nadine Dorries’ mind, into Rhoda Grant’s prejudices and Rush Limbaugh’s I-don’t-even-know-what. This is what was behind that parliamentary debate last week on abortion limits.

You see, as well as believing that women are naturally less sexual than men and therefore must not be granted equal rights to consume pornography, develop careers in sexwork/porn industry or even sleep around, they simultaneously percieve women as far more sexual than men. BSkillet even thinks it was female sexual desire for Romney as an “alpha male” that would lead Romey to win; when Obama won, he put it down to womens’ sexual lust over a photo of Obama wearing a bomber jacket. So he thinks that womens’ sex drive is so high that it gets in the way of politics. (Which isa Victorian argument trotted out a lot when the Suffragettes and Suffragists were campaigning for the vote). This is what the right-wingers fear – women whose sex drive matches or exceeds that of men. Some right-wingers may know that in societies where women are not repressed, such as the ancient Native Americans, womens’ sex drive does match or even far exceeds that of mem. Women are polyamorous and highly orgasmic. And the right-wingers will do anything to stop us regaining our natural (God-given?) sexuality. They will limit abortion, limit birth control, slutshame rape victims, lone mothers and young families, censor pornography, criminalise sexwork and pervert our childrens’ minds with abstinence indoctrination to stop us rediscovering what nature gave us.

Nadine Dorries and Rush Limbaugh don’t say “I want you not to have access to abortion/contraception/sex education so you will get pregnant and everyone will know you are a slut.” They gloss it over with anti-choice arguments. And when they do, most of us can just about bear to hear it; we engage, we debate. Yet, when these same views are expressed without the savvy gloss and posturing, we laugh in disbelief and gasp in horror. It’s deemed newsworthy enough for Gawker and Jezebel to mock with no attempt at engaging BSkillet. Because we all know that with someone like BSkillet there is no possibility of debate. That to debate. to engage, would be validating his thoughts as worthy of debate. (The same argument against debating with Holocaust deniers has been made by Aussie philosopher Raimond Gaita and others.)

And likewise there should be no debate with Dorries, Hunt, Limbaugh and the others. Obviously, that’s difficult in practical terms and sometimes debate can help people see the truth, help preserve evidence based policy. But in an ideal world their arguments should be recognised as not worthy of debate just as the EDL or KKK’s views, or Creationism or the Flat Earth Society’s views are unworthy of debate.

(First, BSkillet’s email:  b [at] cmd-n.org )

http://www.antifeministtech.info/ (Where we learn that Long-term-relationship sluts are “no more moral” than One night stand sluts. And that the value of a woman is in her hymen. Suggestion for a post: ‘Should sluts drive? Will free movement make them vulnerable to temptation?’ Also, on this site you can vote for your Entitlement Princess of the Month.)

http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/what-husies-want/ What hussies want, by a man who promoted BSkillet’s site on his blog.

http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/the-normalization-of-the-trashy-single-mother/ He now explains how all lone (female) parents are sluts. Comments are even more extreme than the original article.

http://unmaskingfeminism.wordpress.com/category/family/

http://thewomanandthedragon.wordpress.com/tag/goddess-worship/

http://societyofphineas.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/red-pill-ministries/ More about the Red Pill ministries network

http://ukfred.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/43/ Brits can be religious loonies too. Suck on that, Americans.

BSkillet

Topsy/Twitter: http://topsy.com/twitter/bskillet81

Cached Twitter: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:ozR_euhF0c8J:https://twitter.com/BSkillet81+BSkillet81&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=uk

Cached blog posts you haven’t seen:

The Put-out vote – an even worse post backing ‘legitimate rape’ as “factually accurate”: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:_8JkcyZErX4J:cmd-n.org/2012/10/26/getting-out-the-put-out-vote/+BSkillet81+put+out+vote&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=uk

Tingles (1) – Why men should lead and women should submit to their husbands. And how women are attention-seeking and never slutshame or judge other women, ever.http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:w_pWvW9uTqsJ:cmd-n.org/2012/07/25/the-tyranny-of-tingles-part-1/

Tingles (2) Where we learn that the “proper role of government” is to control womens’ destructive effect on society. Also featuring Eve, Narnia, womens’ “sin natures” and Obama. http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:i4WGczt4exwJ:cmd-n.org/2012/07/26/the-tyranny-of-tingles-part-2-daughters-of-eve/

 

If your Christian wife cheats on you: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:jXQVYFZ4-b0J:cmd-n.org/2012/04/06/so-your-christian-wife-cheated-on-you-part-1/+BSkillet81&cd=47&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=uk

Wives should be obedient/women are arrogant: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:1a0rc2EPMQIJ:cmd-n.org/2012/05/01/evangelical-american-princess/+BSkillet81&cd=45&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=uk

 

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Rape the sluts: the ‘Men can’t control themselves’ excuse

The clothes that a woman happens to be wearing at the time of an assault are often used against her in court, in the media or in her own social circle. I remember as an 18 year old being told by a girl I knew about a newspaper article which reported that a rape victim’s underwear was shown in court to prove that she consented. This was because the underwear had been manufactured with the words “Little devil” printed on the fabric. More recently an article in the Daily Mail sparked outrage for claiming that rape laws were too harsh and were catching innocent men; an example used was that a 19 year old attacked by two footballers had been drinking and had the top three buttons on her blouse undone, so it could not possibly be rape.

Another tactic in using clothes to victim-blame is claiming that if a man sees a woman wearing revealing clothes, he cannot help not raping her, or that the clothes themselves confuse men or constitute consent (a dress is a ‘yes’).

However, the assertion that all men are filthy, sexualised animals who can’t see a bit of cleavage without attcking a woman makes no logical sense. Firstly, men (and women) tend not to commit sexual assaults when there are witnesses around. This is why most attacks on women happen in the victim’s own home, in a dark or secluded area (an empty classroom, a car, an ambulance, a quiet street), in the attacker’s home or are perpertrated by the woman’s partner or family member. So, if men are really beasts who can’t control themselves, why can they control themselves when they know they’re likely to be caught? Why don’t we see men committing rape in malls, busy classrooms or crowded streets? Even when they do abduct victims from crowded places, how are they able to control themselves long enough to get their victim into a secluded area (remember the 14 year old boy abducted from a mall and raped in a toilet in Marks and Spencer’s?) How can Daddy control himself in the street and when Mummy is around, but suddenly he can’t control himself if his wife leaves the house? The myth that men can’t control themselves is just a nonsensical excuse.

A disturbing fact is that we don’t accept the ‘I couldn’t control myself because of my gender’ for any other crime or for any other gender. Try telling a judge that you couldn’t help knifing that person or nicking that wallet because you’re a man. Try telling anyone that you couldn’t help sexually assaulting that man because you’re a woman. So why accept that excuse for men who rape? The excuse should either be valid for all crimes and all genders, or it should be invalid for all crimes and all genders.

Another fact: we don’t accept the excuse for men who molest children or have sex with underage girls. But it seems that if you’re over the age of consent, it’s all your fault for leading him on and he couldn’t help it. If he really can’t help it with girls over 16, why is he able to control himself with a 15 year old? Why is it all his fault if you’re 15 and consenting, and all your fault if you’re 16 and not consenting?

Yet another illogical aspect of this excuse is: If men can’t control themselves, wouldn’t that mean that women also can’t control themselves? So why are only men deemed to be animals, and not women?

The tactic of using clothes to victim-blame, or even just to slutshame women ordinarily, is a dirty trick. You see, that outfit that Jenny is wearing that seems slutty to you isn’t Jenny – it’s an outfit. You’re judging Jenny based on what she’s wearing. If you had met her two hurs earlier she would have been wearing a business suit. If you were to meet her two hours later she’ll be wearing a frumpy, mumsy cardigan and worn baggy jeans.Later, when Jenny’s wearing her fleecey PJ’s, you might be wearing a short see-through nightie. So if Jenny is attacked at 4pm, she will be wearing a suit and will be seen as a victim (unless she knows the attacker). But if her attacker decides to lie in wait for her until 5pm and stalk her, by the time he attacks her she might be wearing a ‘revealing’ outfit. So it’s her fault for being dressed that way. And if the rapist instead chooses to follow her home and then break in, she’ll be wearing her mumsy outfit and be seen as a victim. Women have no control and no choice over when they are attacked or what they’re wearing when they are attacked. We don’t dress in the mornings or change our outfits in the day thinking that we might be raped, any more than men dress to be raped. We don’t think that men are dangerous animals who will leap at the first chance to attack us; we’re not paranoid. Neither are men. Judging women and victim-blaming on the basis of dress puts victims under the power of their rapist. The attacker chose when to attack; he has that control. The victim doesn’t. By victim-blaming, you are giving the rapist the power to make his victim endure shaming and make her testimony less believable. You are giving him the power to negotiate and influence the wider disourse around rape, as well as the opportunity to escape prison if the victim isn’t believed. By assuming womens’ dress causes them to be raped, we might even end up with a society in which men try to attack women who are dressed a certain way, so that they will get away with it – a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And if men are biologically compelled to rape if they catch a glimpse of cleavage, leg or belly button, how are they able not to rape when they see women in bikinis on the beach? Or naked women in nudist colonies? Or topless women on the beach? When I was 8 I once saw a naked woman at the beach, pulling her two young children in a rubber ring and covering herself with her other hand. Nobody tried to rape her or even noticed her or cared. In fact, I, an eight year old female, was the one who was staring the most.

This final argument comes with illustrations (yay!). In Britain, it is ILLEGAL to wear clothing in public that would display nipples or genitals. Strip clubs, nudist colonies and BDSM club nights may have different rules, but when you step out of these establishments onto the street, you will be charged with public indecency if you aren’t covering those areas. So how revealing can revealing clothes even be?

This woman is wearing a bralet and short skirt, but all she is revealing is a little of her belly.

This is the most revealing photo I could find of people who appeared on Snog, Marry Avoid. However, the two womens’ outfits, while being as revealing as possible without being illegal, are actually less revealing than a bikini. And neither of them are revealing their nipples or private parts, so the most sexual parts of their bodies are covered. So they aren’t revealing anything at all – the erogenous zones are covered up, leaving only the mundane non-sexy bits showing.

Really, anyone who believes that men are so weak, violent and bestial that they would attack these two women just because their tummies, legs and decolletage are revealed is an idiot.

A man wouldn’t be compelled to attack a woman walking down the street naked any more than a woman would be compelled to attack a naked man, or an adult of either sex would be compelled to attack a naked child.

 
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Posted by on October 12, 2012 in Feminism

 

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“Slut!”: When your sex life is deemed more important than your career, achievements and dreams

This evening I was watching BBC4’s documentary on theories about what existed before the Big Bang (which, as the documentary reveals, may have been a slow inflation, a bouncing back of a shrunken universe, or the other end of a black hole.) A female scientist appeared on the documentary, expounding a theory which I barely understand. I had a sudden realisation that her career, theories, achievements, childhood, dreams, hobbies and relationships could be completely negated by the word “slut”.

Because that is what the word slut does. That is what it means – that no matter what you’ve achieved, no matter the nuances and complexities of your character and personality, what is really important is what you do in the bedroom. Your sex life trumps your work life, family life and social life. It trumps everything you’ve created, like essays, blogs, stories, art. You could have a black belt in karate or be a world champion gymnast, a published poet, or have got a First class degree. You could have hobbies that make you very unique, such as base jumping or knitting. You could volunteer in a charity or be a human rights activist. But none of that counts for anything. No skill you’ve learned, no qualification you’ve earned or sport you’ve mastered is as important as how many men and under what circumstances and in which time frame you’ve had sex with. What you’ve produced with your brain, your drive and your two hands are meaningless compared to the activity around your vagina. It is that little part of you, your genitals, that are key.

Not your mind. Not your faith, politics or experiences. Failing that, not even a body toned and fit from regular excercise, dance or sporting activity. Not even something as meaningless as a face that is beautiful or a hairstyle that is on trend. Nope. Just what goes in your vagina. Not even the appearance, health etc of the vagina itself – just what goes in it.

That’s pretty sick. And disgusting. And woman-hating.

And the word “slut” is static. It assumes you’ve always been a slut and always will be. But in reality, your 14 year old self might be very different from your 23 year old self, and at age 35 you’ll be different again. At age 60 you’ll be different yet again. It’s very unlikely that, even if everyone could agree on a definition of ‘slut’ that the same individual would remain slutty from puberty until her death.

When someone uses words like “slut”, they are denying the whole woman. They are reducing her to slut, whore, tart, a two-dimensional sliver of a multifaceted and complex person. Nobody is just a ‘slut’ and nothing else. You cannot be ‘just a slut’; you will be a daughter, student, colleague, schoolgirl, dreamer, amateur writer, artist, musician. There is a tendency to assume sexually active female adolescents are sluts. However, they might go swimming, have a group of friends, skateboard, paint, go to dance classes, any number of things. Nobody is just a slut or a whore. Nobody is just a sex worker. Nobody is just a single mum. Nobody is just single and pregnant.

And that’s why slutshaming is so harmful and misogynistic.

 
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Posted by on October 12, 2012 in Feminism

 

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Why I will go easy on the ‘save yourself’ rhetoric with my daughter

The Abstinence message (even in the lighter, ‘save it for someone special’ version) leads directly to the virgin/whore dichotomy. It is misogynist and anti-feminist because 1)it controls female sexuality but not male as boys aren’t usually given this message; 2) it priveleges vaginal penetration over all other, kinkier sexual acts which is confusing for homosexuals and anyone who doesn’t privelege penetration; 3)it suggests that penetration is the absolute, totally different from other sexual acts which isn’t necessarily true; 4) It leads to a woman’s worth being judged on how sexually repressed she is/what she does and doesn’t do sexually; 5) it creates inequality between the genders. This is a really good article that illustrates how society gets shocked by teen female expressiveness and the harm the ‘save yourself’ message does. Really good comments below it, too.

blue milk

Reading Clementine Ford’s piece in Daily Life on teenage sexuality something struck me about the young girls she was describing.

The arrival of One Direction certainly took Australia by storm – mostly because nobody outside of the 12-17 year old teen girl bracket and a handful of their mothers had ever heard of them. But more interesting than the so-called ‘hysteria’ was the rampant hormonal explosion that occurred simultaneously. The sexual energy that heralded One Direction’s arrival was not only palpable, it was on full display in the homemade signs held aloft by teenage fans outside the Sunrise studios last Thursday morning. Banners bearing slogans such as, ‘Point your erection in my direction’ and ‘Send your one thing Down Under’ were spotted outside the Martin Place broadcast, and captured on TV for a scandalised nation to see.

Channel Seven was forced to apologise for allowing such rampantly offensive behaviour to…

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