All My Loves: I get revenge on the boy I fancy with police, drugs & an anonymous note

26 May

So…this time we’re going back in time! This is because a true story about plotting revenge on your crush by getting the police on them through sending an anonymous note to the school admin with cannabis taped to it is interesting. Oh, and because I want to delay the Lynne blog. I do not want to blog about her. I’m worried she will see it, get pissed and block me on Twitter. Or see it, get pissed and internally combust from rage, explode and drift down all over Scotland in little Lynne-fragments. And then her partner and friends would kill me. Though the nasty horrible people would love me – I’d probs get some sweet, sweet action. I can imagine myself pumping away on their hateful ignorant arses while certain activists and bloggers duel to take Lynne’s place in a Highlander-style ‘There can be only one!’ epic battle. But I digress.

I was 14 and 8 months and had been trying to get a stunning, popular blonde guy at my new school. It’s always the same story of me trying to get a stunning blonde. He was called Billy. I also fancied his friend Leroy. Luckily for me, the popular clique  took a shine to me and came to my house once or twice. They had their own popular clique-slash-youth-gang website. My friend Lochlan, who I already knew at the time, also had a website which was basically WikiLeaks for our school. Think that episode of South Park where the rat has a gossip site. Lochlan’s website was more of a blog, though nobody knew what a blog was because this was 2004 or 2005.

Anyway I knew the clique (they were aged 13-16)and I liked one of the girls, Shirley who was in my year. I was friends with her. I thought another girl, Lena, was beautiful and I understand now that I must’ve fancied her in a vague way. She was blonde, which might explain that though in her case it was a dye job. 15 year old Lena was Billy’s ex but they were still friends. She usually only took older boys because they had bigger dicks but Billy was tall so she’d made an exception for him though he was in my year and a year younger than her. Billy did have a great dick and she’d tested all its capabilities, especially on holiday with Billy’s family when they were 13 and 14, where they’d had a room to themselves.Shirley stuck up for me when I got into a very short punching match with another girl. The girl left me alone after that cos the clique made sure everyone knew I had their protection.

One night the clique offered it to me – join them and be popular. I wanted popularity. I’ve always had instincts for getting ahead. And when I looked at Shirley I knew I wanted to go where she went. She had a way about her – she wasn’t conventionally pretty like Lena but – okay let’s just say I probably fancied 4 out of the 6 people in this gang, to varying degrees. Shirley gave me a wee bit of cannabis when I asked her. I wanted to keep it safe in case I needed it to use against anyone in the group. Yeah, I must’ve had a premonition.

But I had to choose. Their life – taking drugs (not just harmless ones like cannabis) or the life of mundaneity. I chose mundaneity.

We continued to contact though and I eventually managed to get a date with Kenny set up. The group came to my house. “What’s up, Monique?” said Shirley, quoting from I don’t know what and flipping out her hand. She had a bottle of vodka in her other hand and in the darkness she looked – somehow real. Not gorgeous but real. Her brown hair and dark eyes – she looked like a film star as she enunciated each syllable perfectly. Leroy was there and he was looking at me. His body was lean and looked good in that shirt. I thought, delicious. He would be mine. That hair, just waiting to be ruffled. Everything was going perfectly – except that my mum wouldn’t let me out cos we were having dinner. She wanted them to wait 20 minutes. I was filled with frustration at the idea of waiting even a second to hug Leroy, to feel his hair. I wanted to flirt with him right now. The delay didn’t sit well with my blonde Billy either. He smashed one of the garden ornaments and stuck a lit fag through our letterbox. My mum called the police.

I still fancied Billy. Leroy’s parents, who were reputedly rich, didn’t want him hanging around with Billy any more and my mum felt the same way. I’m not sure why I decided to take revenge on Billy. It could’ve been the incident I’ve just mentioned, or maybe because he threw eggs at our windows a few weeks later, or because he didn’t fancy me, or maybe all of these reasons. Anyway I asked Shirley for another wee bit of cannabis (having lost the first bit). Next day at lunchtime I headed to the library, where me and Lochlan often hung out.

I wrote a note after making one or two drafts. The note said that since I’d joined this school, the clique had been nice to me and helped me settle in and so I wanted to help them by getting them off the drugs. “Please help Shirley” I wrote, saying that she was nicest and I liked her the most. The note named them all, and though I didn’t write in everyone’s surnames, there was enough info for the school admin to know who they were. I knew that the clique was under incredible surveillance by school staff and the authorities. The note’s focus was on Shirley and Lena, so it wouldn’t look like I was taking revenge on Billy (the school admin knew about the incident). I wrote that I was sticking a bit of cannabis there as proof. I said I didn’t want to give out my name in case the group was told I’d written this and felt hurt, but that if the authorities wanted to find me I’d given enough info in this note for them to track me down.

I knew I had no hope of anonymity because of the admin staffs’ constant surveillance of both me and the clique. They would already know I was in contact with the clique. To appear as though I had honest intentions, I shouldn’t try too hard for anonymity . So just before writing the note I told the school librarian what I was doing and showed her the cannabis which she sniffed. I let her see the note and asked if it was clear. Of course, I knew she’d be reporting what I was doing to the school admin. I knew that once she told them, I wouldn’t have to wait until next time the bully box was emptied to get revenge. I knew the school would give me enough time to stick the note in, then read it as soon as possible.

Then off I went to put the note into the bully box (a box in a corridor where any pupil could anonymously put in the names of bullies). I planned to wait till home time to do it, though I dunno if I did. As I put in the note, (and as I’d been writing it) I whispered “I’m sorry I have to do this, Shirley, it’s not to put you in trouble. It’s not for you, Shirley. But sometimes things just have to be done. I’m sorry.”

I put it in, condemning 6 people to their fate as I did so, and all to get revenge on one of them.

Now, all I had to do was wait. Council policy meant that the school administration’s hand would be forced; they would have to call the police on Billy and the clique just for possessing the harmless drug.

Two days later I was sitting in Maths class and the door was open. The police and a school admin staff dragged Billy, Leroy and another boy out of their maths class across the corridor from mine. They were ordered to empty their bags and the police searched them. Everyone in my class was interested but only I knew what was going on. The teacher shut the door and told us to stop gawking and get on with our work. I successfully hid my grin.

Later I heard that drugs had been found in their bags. They all got suspended. A day after that I came across Shirley at lunch time, walking near the school grounds. She said she’d been excluded because drugs were found in her bag. Did she know how the police knew she had the grass, I wanted to know. She shrugged miserably. Dunno. Who knows how the polis work?

I felt sorry for Shirley and went away satisfied.

When I was 18 I was on MSN with Lochlan from my student flat and I told him. He had a good memory of all of it and was amazed. I asked who he thought had been responsible or how he thought the police knew about the drugs. “I thought it was just random,” he typed. But ain’t nothin’ random when Kalika’s around.

Though I’m glad to say that I’ve calmed down a lot and picked up some ethics and morality as I’ve got older, and I no longer think it’s acceptable to sacrifice innocents as collateral damage just to take revenge on your target.


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