I’m ditching Roland as he’s abroad and not responding to my messages. I’m going to find someone else to sell my virginity to, and I’m not going to reveal where I’m looking. I’ve got to be careful soo I get paid, otherwise I’d look stupid on the internet, and we can’t have that, can we? I guard my online reputation with my life. Or at least my fingers.
While the taste of failure is obviously, um, unpalatable? See what I did there? – it feels kind of good to be out on the prowl again, hunting down the guy who’s going to help me achieve the biggest thrill of my life. The man (or possibly woman, but I’ve got a very strong preference for men) who is going to be given a starring role in this blog. He must be a pervert, and a kinky one.
I don’t see this as a failure, but as an opportunity to get more than £8k. And there is one person I’ve got my eye on, though it’s a long shot – a really long one. More of a fantasy, really.
One thing is for sure: now that I’ve experienced the thrill and pleasure of selling sexual services, and planned to sell my virginity, I can’t just lose it to some random person in a boring way. It would be the mother of all anticlimaxes and I would feel ashamed to write it here. So even if I don’t sell it, I must lose it in a spectacular way.
Oh, and another thing is for sure – I love my Kalika Gold identity too much to just let it fade away after I sell my virginity. I’m going to stick around – as a sex blogger, erotic writer, who knows? This blog will finish after the “consummation” as Roland called it, but Kalika will still be very much alive.
As a kid, I thought that laws controlled the world and the time of survival of the fittest or free-for-all was long past. But clearly that’s only true for the priveleged in the developed world. And it’s far from true for sex bloggers or sex workers; the Sunday World outed a sex worker for…well, being a sex worker, and posted a YouTube video calling her “Scary Poppins” (she also worled as a nanny and as a cleaner). Thhey ruined her attempt to exit the sex industry and preyed on her just because she’s a part of a marginalised, stigmatised community. And of course anonymous bloggers – whether they’re blogging about sex work or not – get outed. Roland was a bit paranoid and successfully instilled the fear of the media in me, for good reason. He sees blogging and tweeting as dangerous in themselves.
Another threat is lawsuits, and those of you who follow me on Twitter may have noticed that II outed myself as the Rhoda Grant MSP parody because otherwise someone else would have been sued for doing the parody. I asked Rhoda Grant and Ruhama Agency how they would rate my parody of them, but they haven’t replied. This wasn’t just for fun, it was so they would know that I’m behind the parody; there is little point ‘coming out’ to sex workers and sex worker allies when the would-be suers are unaware that I’ve come out.
So, this is my life. A lone slut just trying to sell her virginity while living in fear of the media and radfems, as the attempts to criminalise sex work and endanger sex workers pile up, and the Merseyside model must be campaigned for even as both sides rage at each other over the Bills in Scotland, N Ireland and (since yesterday) the Republic of Ireland.
It’s hard, and sometimes it’s scary, and I hate seeing people I care about being bullied and even outed by the antis I’ve got to work with to achieve the Merseyside model. Knowing that I could be outed by antis or a journalist is scary, but it’s the life I’m choosing. The jungle is alive and it’s full of beautiful majestic animals, yet also crawling with vermin. It’s the jungle, full of excitement and lurking danger and pedators. I think I’m going to like it here.