Cassie over at justcassie.wordpress.com has nominated me for the Liebster Award – and I was all ‘really?!’ because it took ages for this blog even to get noticed, and I’m not the best of writers. So, thank you, Cassie!
The Liebster Award is given to up and coming bloggers. The word ” Liebster” comes from German and can mean the sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, most beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.
- Thank the person who nominated you. Thanks Cassie!
- When you receive the award, you post 11 random facts about yourself and answer the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
- Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure you notify the blogger that you nominated them!)
- You write up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.
- You are not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated your own blog!
You paste the award picture into your blog. (You can Google the image, there are plenty of them!)
11 Random Facts about me
1) I sincerely wish this sex-negative society didn’t force me to blog anonymously; I want to share everything with my readers.
2) My mother knows about my sexual attraction to violence and gore (when the recipient is male) and thus the uselessness of mainstream porn to me.
3) I love cars and driving, especially driving fast in the country at night.
4) I think I may have a crush on one of my Twitter followers. This person is out of my league, so it’s kinda sad that I like them so much.
5) My eczema got worse when I hit puberty, and it was on my legs mostly, and a bit on my arms and nipples. Sometimes my trousers and bras stuck to my skin. This didn’t bother me because my face was okay and the eczema was hidden. I had spots and dry skin on my face though. I got pleasure from scratching – especially ‘controlled’ scratching – of my nipples far, far more than my legs and arms, possibly because the nipples are an erogenous zone, and the nerves were stimulated.
6) 2012 has been the best year of my life so far; I have matured, developed – in reasoning, politics and writing-, and now I understand myself better.
I think I am hypocritical because previously I thought about maybe outing a misogynistic blogger even though I’ve always felt strongly about anonymity and privacy re the media since I was 12. I have learned that I’m hypocritical at times, and to avoid this.
7) The first time I masturbated, it was to a teen fiction book “Driver’s Ed” by horror writer Caroline B. Cooney, a book I very much hated, about teens who steal a ‘stop’ sign and accidentally (extremely indirectly) ’cause’ a death (because a truck didn’t stop and hit a car, killing its driver). I masturbated to the thought of myself influencing a friend to steal a stop sign, in order to deliberately cause death, and this plan succeeding. I continued to masturbate for around 7 hours, until 6am, using face cream, rough towels and body lotion to add sensation.
8) I nearly (unknowingly, because of changing laws) put myself at risk of being outed and sued, but was saved with (probably) just hours or a day to spare. I still remember this nearly every day, and if I hadn’t had a Twitter account, and if the person who told me hadn’t followed me just a couple of days beforehand, it is likely I would have done the action. I can’t say any more about this, but I just think that its amazing how a couple of tweets can change a life and how one person who cares can make a difference to someone’s life. If this person hadn’t told me – they even told me how to do it safely just in case I still did it, and told me something I’m not to tell anyone else to make sure I wouldn’t do it-, this blog might have been deleted and not be receiving this award, or it might be under my legal name if I’d been outed. I might be giving interviews and earning money that’s being sued off me as fast as I’m earning it.
9) At 8 years 11 months I was sexually awakened by a Calamity James strip in The Beano – the first Beano I ever read, in a supermarket. I was initially sexually attracted to boys getting hit on the head and getting lumps on their head, before progressing to boys getting spanked or bitten on their bottom in two weeks’ time.
10)It’s so hard doing this while preserving anonymity, I keep having to delete. OK, here’s one: I have trichotillomania, which I have never sought “help” for or seen as a problem. I pluck out delicious, stiff little hairs from my legs and pubic area. Some are juicy with the translucent white sticky follicle, some don’t have it but are still sticky; others aren’t, and they are worthless. Pulling hairs out of a spot makes it go down immediately. With every hair pulled, it shrinks more. I love pulling hairs out of spots – no matter how tiny the supposed ‘spots’ are-, and bursting out ingrown hairs. I love the tiny, short hairs. Alternatively, when I feel an itch, I look for the hair that is causing it and I pull. The internet consensus on trich sites seems to be that trich is disgusting, abnormal, a medical problem or deviant. This confuses me as I would never want to stop. Sometimes I lick the hair, or fantasise about biting it or shearing off the follicle.
11)One time when I was around 17, I plucked out same-length sticky no-follicle hairs from my legs, and stuck them on a white A4 paper in the shape of the word ‘hair’, framed the paper, and hung it on the kitchen wall. When my mum woke up and came downstairs I showed it to her.
11 Questions I have to answer…
1) Why did you start writing a blog?
To give a documentary of this to society, and to document the attitudes to virginity and sexuality in the western world. It is a kind of experiment and lasting record.
Also, to (possibly) implement a detailed step-by-step plan to get this blog lots of hits and, in time, eventually become the next Belle de Jour, which I have long since abandoned because 1) I’ve discovered that I obviously can’t write well enough to make a well-known blog or be offered a book deal; 2) My identity may be revealed if I do; 3) The Belle fantasy is stupid because we are two different individuals; she is a real person and I’m not her; also, the real Brooke is a complex multifaceted individual of which Belle is a two-dimensional side of her, and, while the memoirs are fascinating, I’m far more impressed by Brooke’s political and science writing (and the fact she managed to work anti-criminalization politics into a Torygraph lifestyle column and get the anti-Rhoda battle-cry past the editors.) Anyway, at the time I started this blog I hadn’t heard of Tracy Quan or any other sexwork bloggers, so it is no exaggeration to say that if it weren’t for Belle de Jour this blog would not exist because I wouldn’t have the idea to blog about my adventure.
2) What is your favourite work of fiction?
The Last Vampire 5: Evil Thirst by Christopher Pike and The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. And Juliette by the Marquis de Sade.
3) How would you describe your personal philosophy/spiritual path?
Sort of Christian but believe in reincarnation (family is vaguely sort-of Buddhist, so it rubbed off). For equality for everyone.
4) What has impressed you lately?
That there are so many people blogging and tweeting for justice, truth and equality.
5) What has depressed you lately?
That corporations not paying tax and are stealing all our money, paying wages not enough to live on while our taxes pay for benefits for people who work but can’t live on their wages. While the government and media demonise the unemployed.
Also, policing of the internet is disproportionate to policing real life, so I will no longer say anything on the internet under my legal name so I won’t be arrested.
6) What advice would you give your younger self if you could go back in time ten years?
I would tell my 12 year old self: Go out and fuck as many boys as you can. Don’t wait, because even thousands of pounds for selling virginity is not enough compensation for the dignity and humanity you will lose by not having lots of sex. You will regret it the whole of your life, so do not make that mistake.
7) What are your vices?
Coffee, getting aroused so much I sweat and have a high temperature if I see people mutilated/chopped into bits/squished in ‘South Park’.
8) What would you like to achieve in 2013?
More blog traffic, a greater internet presence, and a different job to the one I’m currently doing.
9) Describe your personal style.
Steampunk-inspired, Goth, Egyptian. These themes are subtle.
10) What is your favourite city?
Edinburgh, because it gave me my most prized possession – this blog.
11) Name something that always makes you smile.
Seth MacFarlane, and Roland’s continuing (and seemingly vivid and constant) delusion that I’m obsessed with or in love with him.
Questions my nominees have to answer:
1)What is the purpose of your blog, or what do you hope to achieve by blogging?
2) What did you learn from, or what influenced you, most in your life?
3) What are your thoughts regarding blogging anonymously, pseudonymously, and under a real/legal name? What influenced your decision to blog anonymously/pseudonymously or under your real name?
4) What values, philosophy, constitutional/legal rights or principles do you think is most important to society or in living one’s life?
5) What country, or what historical period, would you like to live in?
6) Why did you start blogging (or if you have several blogs, why did you start this particular blog?)
7) Describe something that changed your life, or changed the course of your life (big or small).
8) Who is your favourite author or poet?
9) What is your favourite book (fiction, nonfiction or anthology)?
10) What is your favourite film and why?
11) Name something you want to do but will probably never dare to do it or get round to it.
And my 11 Nominees in no particular order are…