This blog’s weirdest/funniest search terms of all time

21 Sep

Honestly, I sometimes toy with the idea of writing down the craziest and most hilarious search terms that lead unsuspecting innocents to my den of sin. Just now I discovered the WordPress all-time search stats feature, so here are the ones that I think are the weirdest or funniest, for various reasons:


how to act dress and makeup like a whore or slut (Well, that’s easy – OTT makeup and slutty clothes. Cue Snog, Marry Avoid.)

redesign penis so that sperm and urine does not come out the same hole

the cleanest virgin pussy on earth video

peter griffin has sex with his boss angela porn video

the whore roland has sex with in dark tower (What?? A reference to Browning’s epic poem, but WHAT?? It was not a sexual poem!)

spanking queen nefertiti (As a legendary beauty, she must’ve had lots of guys from all different kingdoms wanting to spank her.)

tied virgins, may 28, 2012, tied sluts (hmmmm…specific…wonder what the story is there.)

nadine dorries prostitute (She did have a boyfriend while trying to enforce abstinence education on girls.)

spanked for prostitution (Roland did spank me for prostituting myself to him).

should daughter spank her mom survey

pee in those pink panties and youll be otk

naughty lttle girls who wet their knickers deserved to be spanked by mommy

Kristen Stewart fucking everyone (One boyfriend and one colleague isn’t everyone. Calm down.)

Sarah Palin whore

Gumtree porn jobs

I want to 50 Shades my boss

Is there a market for selling gay virginity

japs with panty poop remote

nadine dorries spanked (She does deserve it)

need phone number of egyptian girls spanked (? I don’t think you can get phone numbers this way. Anyway judging by my blog’s country stats, they like spanking there and often view my blog, so you’re certain to find a girl to spank.)

lolo jones spanking (Well, anyone who is abstinent needs a spanking for bad judgement in some people’s eyes)

stay virgin until marriage diapers

Bristol Palin slut

sell your self to shemale

virginity for sale (wasting no time! This person REALLY wants to buy those boys or girls!)

young teen sell your virginity (hope he or she intends on selling to someone of the same age or, if not, telling his/her client if s/he’s underage so they don’t end up in trouble for something they didn’t know about).

she was so humiliated with her bare red ass up in the air

selling virginity to sugar daddy

adults embarrassing peeing his pants accident and spanked for it (Does anyone else have a gut feeling this is going to happen to Roland sometime soon? No? Just me, then.)

gumtree jobs like porn actor in london

indian goddess kali handjob

queen tut spanking (A weird search, as Queen Tut is my original character. Maybe it’s a search from someone who already read the Queen Tut stories.)

husband made me cry on my wedding night while he was deflowering me

50 shades of slut

copy sex contract 50 shades

tips for having sex with a stranger you met online if your female an a virgin

facebook sell virginity

abstinence is sexy

sugar baby monthly allowance

vagina dententa (3 searches, all spelled differently)

call girl etiquette

dry humping situations

mum caught me reading her diary and spanked and fucked me

which pornsex  (The new ‘Which?’ Best Buy catalogue for porn)

lisa simpson slut

she howled, clutching her glowing red,well- spanked behind


And every day, there are between 1 and 3 searches about how to sell virginity. The commonest search terms are ‘sell virginity uk’, ‘sell my virginity tips’ ‘how do I sell virginity’ ‘sell gay virginity’ ‘sell yourself to a gay person’ etc. Sometimes terms such as ‘dating sites’ or Craigslist or adultwork are added. It makes me glad that I made the ‘Tips on selling virginity’ page, but also makes me worry that I didn’t include enough information in it or have missed out something important. But at least it’s there. Also, the number of people who spell ‘virginity’ wrong surprised me. Searches for and porn featuring Family Guy and The Simpsons characters are also very common.

The country stats show that people in the USA followed by Britain consistently give the most views, and that people in Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and Libya (amongst several other countries in the Middle East and North Africa) view it too, so I guess you just can’t keep people from searching for porn. Or prostitution diaries, as the case may be.


Tags: , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “This blog’s weirdest/funniest search terms of all time

  1. feministjihad

    September 21, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    I googled selling virginity and found you for the first time!! And then I forgot your blog name and so the next time I wanted to read more I googled something to do with gumtree porn job as I remember that part vaguely! Now I just type ‘d’ into my browser and it comes up!

    Thanks for updating 🙂

  2. BroadBlogs

    September 21, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    And I thought the search terms I got were weird.

    I suspect people are often disappointed when they get to my blog. Some searching for “Islamic porn” ended up on my blog post entitled “The Perfect Islamic Porn Stash,” a commentary on Bin Laden’s “Perfect Islamic State” that insisted women cover head to toe, while he enjoyed looking at naked ladies, himself. Or know knows, maybe it alleviated their guilt.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: