I just found this vampire test online from a truly stupid site that claims vampires exist. (I was looking for BDSM vampirism, which is a kink I discovered I possess the moment after I tried to cut Roland’s penis and drink a little of his blood. Anyway, this site may be ludicrously stupid and medically flawed, but it’s still not as stupid or harmful as the verbal stylings of the likes of Santorum or Rick Perry. So, here is the site’s vampire test and me answering the questions in bold like [this]:
The sole purpose of this page is to help you figure out if you are a real vampire or not. This is to be used with the finding a real vampire page on this site. After all if you don’t recognize yourself as a real vampire then you aren’t a real vampire. All of the traits below are accurate for more than half of all real vampires. All real vampires have at least 85% of them, in other words if at least 85% of them don’t apply to you then you are not a vampire. Assuming that you are a real vampire, the fact that so many of these traits are accurate for you may shock you.
Those are the traits that I am saying are 95% so that I don’t rule any real vampires out that the traits may not be accurate for. If you are convinced that you are a real vampire, yet have few to none of these traits you really need to read up on a term that is known as enabling and stop claiming to be one. You could even seem to have all of them but there is still no guarantee that you are a real vampire.
Copyright 2005 Steve Leighton, copying without permission is forbidden by law, and will result in a DMCAreport being filed against you and sent to your domain provider or to the owner of where ever you posted your copy of this vampire website.
“I didn’t draw blood at first, but I did get an overwhelming feeling”
If you can relate to that quote don’t waste your time reading any farther because you are definitely not a real vampire. You are, on the other hand, a classic case of Reinfeld’s Syndrome.
- 1. Do you have unusually pale skin? You don’t have to be white to be pale. [Yes]If yes then cook up one or two (depending on the size) medium rare steaks (the best way to do this) If, by the time you’re done enjoying the second one, you have a new pinkish color throughout your body that you haven’t had in a while, read no farther; you are a real vampire. Humans can’t digest blood let alone get color from it, real vampires do.
NOTE: The extra work involved in trying to eat medium rare or rare meat can cause a temporary pink color to the skin which is otherwise known as being flushed. Temporarily being flushed is not the color that is being referred to when a vampire gets color from the blood in the steak. It takes a lot less human blood than animal blood to get the same effect but animal blood is way easier to get.) If you were white before and still are you should see a doctor. Odds are you aren’t a real vampire, you’re just malnourished, and they can help.
- Have you ever been told by professionals that you’re lucky you survived an accident with only a few scratches or cuts? [Yes…but so have many people]
- Are you a naturally strong magic/energy user self-taught or self-realized? [????]
- As a kid, were you the strongest, smartest, or quickest kid in the class, and at around 16 years of age maybe all 3? [Yes, so? Lots of kids are top of the class or strong, and I excercised a lot by climbing in parks, walking in the Highlands with my mum, skipping, swimming, climbing trees…]
- Did your dad disappear from your life while you were at a young age? [Yes…but that’s quite common and I’m sure there can’t be THAT many vampires around!]
- (NOTE: 52% of vampires out of a large range of vampires have answered yes to this question. This includes people who believe they are real vampires however may not really be one.) Click for one theory on how this is vampire related: The Truth about the ”Vampire Community”.
- Do people often tell you that you look very young for your age, or that they would have never guessed how old you are? [I look younger now, but used to look older. But my family all look young so it’s simple genetics. Or are we ALL vampires??]
- Are you extremely energetic at night but around the time the sun comes up become extremely tired? [YES, most definetely! I even have to write most of my poetry at night and blog at night, or it wouldn’t be good.]
- Are you a slightly quicker healer than most, if not a much quicker healer? [Dunno. I never let injuries stop me, and don’t fuss ovder cuts so I’ve no idea.]
- Do you have an unusually high tolerance to alcohol and other poisons/toxins? [Alcohol – I can take 11-12 drinks without getting drunk. Poisons – don’t know.]
- Do you tend to switch between very social and antisocial frequently? [No, never. Not even in my teen years. It’s called hormones, being moody or mild bipolar disorder.]
- Do you rarely get sick, or when you get sick does your body recovers quicker than most people? [Yes, most definetly. However, that’s because I excercised a lot as a child/teen and eat a lot of fresh meat and fish. Optimistic people get sick rarely, and I’m extremely optimistic. I also take hair vitamins now.]
- Are your six senses more enhanced than most other peoples, i.e. vision, hearing, touch, smell, taste, and intuition? [Very much, especially smell and hearing; however my vision is actually not good at all]
- Do you have extremely good vision in the dark? How many times has some one said it’s too dark they can’t see while you were doing something like reading? [Yes, it’s been commented on; and 0 times, it’s not THAT good!]
- Do you tend to NOT be surprised or scared by the typical sudden loud noise in a movie or things like that because you sensed it coming? [Yes; definetly]
- Do you tend to react to things like catching a falling object or other normally unexpected things at an almost psychic speed? (As if you were expecting it to happen)? [debatable]
- Do you tend to get a high from human blood? [Sometimes – it depends it what context. Someone gets a cut? Ewww, gross, don’t get it on my sleeve!! Blood sprays everywhere in a film? Yummy, let me at it!]When drinking someone’s blood do you tend to find yourself being able to do something that they could do (that you couldn’t do) about 2 weeks after drinking it? [How would this be because of the blood? Blood is broken down by the digestive tract, that’s why you probably can’t catch HIV by drinking it! Blood is just red blood cells and plasma, it doesn’t have any magical quality/life force!]
- Are you sensitive to light [yes] or the heat from it? [no, I like heat and easily get cold] (Ranging from getting a bad headache from the glare to burning very easily.)
- If, while your skin is white from lack of enough blood in you, do you bleed quite noticeably less than a person normally should, or more likely not bleed at all? [no]
- Are your nails clear like glass, yet very strong? [no, they actually break easily and so don’t grow super-long without the hair vitamins. Even with the vitamins, they still break easily.]
- Is your bedroom the coldest and darkest room in the house? [yes, so what?]
- According to multiple news articles easily found online, older adults can’t hear this sound. So far I haven’t found someone over 36 who is a non-vamp that can. click to try to hear it. Warning: if you can hear it, it will be loud. (ALWAYS FOLLOW THE WARNINGS ON THIS WEBSITE) My reference: yahoo homepage/news 6-21-06, and testing it on friends . [didn’t try this]
- A legitimate Vampire is able to safely digest more than 600% of the daily recommended amount of iron (RDA is 18mg. 600% of RDA is 108mg) when in the form of blood. (ALWAYS READ THE WARNINGS ON THIS SITE!)
- How often do you look at the person that almost bumped (or bumped) into you and think “you idiot” or “people are so stupid” because they didn’t know you were only a couple feet away from them, because you always know when someone is that close to you? (Which, when you think about it, you only know because you can sense when someone is that close to you). [Yes, I can ‘sense’ people near me, but in my experience, most people can. And most people including me can sense someone staring at them.]
Do you always feel a strong urge to travel? [YESS!! Constantly, every day.]
- How often does something smell so strong that you can literally taste it, whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing? (NOTE: When most people say it smells so strong that they can taste it they only say it as a figure of speech. And the people that agree with you when you say it rarely can taste it. Think I’m wrong? Ask them yourself!) [All the time, which is normal as the nose and mouth are connected and, if you hold your nose, you can’t tell the difference between chocolate and coffee.]
Can you hear a whisper from across a room? [sometimes; so can everyone]
- Is there a dark colored ring around the iris (color part) of your eyes? All real vampires have this, however not everyone that has it is a real vampire. [dunno]
- Is there a noticeably different color surrounding the pupil? (Inner part of the color of your eyes.) [dunno]
Do the words “come on outside, it’s a nice bright sunny day, and there’s a lot of people out,” seem more like a bad thing than a good thing to you, as opposed to the guy who said it to you, saying it with a big happy smile? [No, I love sunny days and lots of people having fun! That’s a symptom of depression, or of being an emo or a goth.]
- Regardless of how normal you may consider yourself to be, do you tend to meet a lot of weird people that you quite often hit it off with relatively frequently? (Keep in mind, normal is just a politically correct term for people that have no creativity. And definitely is NOT something to be proud of calling yourself). [I’m not normal, most people aren’t. There’s a lot of weirdness beneath everybody’s surface.]
- Do you have a predator instinct that is so strong that it makes most people seem to act more like herbivores than the omnivores they consider themselves to be? [dunno]
Does sunlight/bright light in general hurt your eyes and head, in most cases to the point of a migraine? (But you can still go out in it). See point 17. [No]
Do electrical appliances generally tend to hate you? (Watches mess up often, computers malfunction for no reason, etc). [Yes, consistently]
- Are your dreams often extremely vivid and sometimes result in cases of déjàvu? [Very frequently]
Do people often find you very empathetic to how they feel? [No. Especially if they’re feeling sad. I can tell if someone is feeling sad, but I can’t always tell why, especially if I consider it to be attention-whoring, being oversensitive or immature, etc.]
Do people usually either trust you completely or not trust you at all? [No. It’s usually in-between].
When you will things to happen do they usually happen? [Yes.]
- Does your mood have an obvious effect on the mood of others around you? Only count this if it happens to the people that can’t see you. (Especially on babies and animals like cats). [dunno]
Click Here To Find Places Where You Can Meet Others Like You. For those of you who want to try to feel important by poking holes in this list Read this first and don’t waste your breath trying, because I know I’m right. This list only applies to vampires that need blood aka the only real kind of vampire, and your belief isn’t required nor do I care if you disagree with me. For those that wonder how I know I’m a vampire, or are asking themself who is this guy to judge me, this is how I know that I am a vampire.
Do you really need me to ask you more of these questions? All of these can be passed off as just a coincidence, although how many coincidences can happen at the same time for the same person? Synchronicity a word coined by DR. Carl Jung, which basically states that it is not just a mere coincidence for something like that to happen.
Yes all of these can be explained but for all of them to happen to one person, as well as the fact that they are all vampiric traits should make you wonder. Not to mention, if you only knew how many people that think they are vampires, give me hell because they don’t have any of these traits. Those people really should learn about something known as enabling and not complain to me about it. You would really think twice on the fact that as a vampire, you take these for granted. The only reason why I haven’t listed all the people and their statements on it is because regardless of what they think or tell me I really don’t care. Real vampires have had awakenings because of this page and wannabe vampires have bitched and complained to me about this page. All in all it is helping vampires and that is all that matters to me.
I dunno if I got 85%. I think this guy has stumbled on a medical condition where many individuals find that all of these traits are linked. I share quite a lot of these traits too; I think it is a medical or biological condition, or natural human variation. The traits are connected – having more energy at night of course relates to better night vision, which is connected to superior five senses, including sensing people standing behind you. This could be due to an evolutionary advantage of having some people awake at night to look out for predators. I frequently stay up all night when it’s not term time, going to sleep at 5am or 6am. This is the most natural sleep pattern for me. I’m also more creative/awake at night. All my blog posts have been posted between midnight and 5am. However I don’t think it’s because I am a vampire, it’s just natural human variation, or a possible undiscovered medical condition.