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Monthly Archives: August 2012

Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came

In 2009, when I was 18 – or just turned 19 – I wrote a poem which was an allegory of a girl committing a murder while also, at the same time, being an allegory of her having sex for the first time. I thought it up in my student room. I then evolved a series of 7 poems which tell the journey this girl goes on, and simultaneously the psychological journey of her friend Roland who journeys into accepting her even when told about her murder. One of the seven poems was published; it also had a losing virginity allegory and was about Roland’s journey. The series takes place in Edinburgh – especially the Southbridge – and Edinburgh landmarks are referenced. The main point of the series is a psychological journey (for both the girl and Roland) rather than the physical acts of murder or sex. There are also Egyptian references that are less blatant than the Edinburgh references, as it is hinted that the girl is not an ordinary person, and that the events may never have happened/not happened in the way they appear as she is not really  – or fully -in Edinburgh. For example, she did not actually go through with the murder, though her intent was real.

The literature fans amongst you will realise by now that the published poem must have been inspired by Robert Browning’s poem, ‘Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came’. I first came across a reference to it aged 13 when reading Alan Garner’s ‘Elidor’, obviously inspired by the folk tale ‘Rowland and the King of Elfland’ but containing a preface featuring the last line of Browning’s epic poem, which is the same as the title. As soon as I read that line, I felt a sense of deja vu as if I had read the line before. The part about a dark tower, especially. I had to read the whole book – poorly wriiten as it was – because of that sense of deja vu. Years later, after writing a couple of poems in the series, I Googled for the poem (I remembered the quote in full) and realised Browning, whose other poems I’d read, had written it. I also found out about the Song of Roland poem, and Shakespeare’s reference to the folk tale as well as Stephen King’s series.

My own 7-poem series possibly inspired my subsequent story ‘The 7 Nights’, a yet-unfinished BDSM/rape/pantypooping story about Chastity and the pervert Roland.

A few days ago I was reminded of Browning’s poem and suddenly realised that the guy I’m selling myself to, whom I call Roland on this blog, did of course make the deal with me in the Tower (a top-floor restaurant on the Southbridge in Edinburgh). And of course the event was indeed about losing virginity and also about acceptance of doing something socially stigmatised, though not as badly stigmatised as murder.

I sometimes wonder if everything I write is doomed to come true. Like in my first year of uni, I wrote a story about my flatmates but then stopped because some things I wrote came true and it was getting creepy. Then, my extended fantasy about police and government spanking and torture in a particular country (inspired by Lochlan’s holiday there in 2009, the time of writing the poem series) was actually true (though not the spanking bit). Upon knowing it was true, I simply relocated the fantasy to Britain, embellished it a lot, threw in a lot of political stuff and called it ‘The UK Government Torture Act’. Now, with accusations against MI6, I worry that this story is also true, albeit that in real life Britain/MI6 gets other people to do their dirty work for them instead of doing it themselves like in my story. But hopefully the accusations aren’t true. All I know about the accusations is just hearsay – it always seems like if I watch the news religiously it is all unimportant, yet if I miss a day, something earth-shatteringly shocking happens. And no, I will not Google it! I can’t bear to hear about this sort of thing! I will just hope that the next update on this story happens on a day when I’m watching the news.If they’re guilty I will freak out, if they’re innocent I will freak out because they obviously destroyed the evidence/lied and got away with it.Interestingly, in the Tower, Roland claimed that MI6 frequently send people to other countries to be tortured so they could get valuable information from them by trusting those countries to pass on whatever the victims revealed. And that politicians knew about this. He said he knew it was true because he read an article online. This was before the recent accusations against MI6. However, what he said goes way beyond the accusations against MI6, which are only tied to 2 specific contexts: Libya and the CIA/Guantanamo.

A ‘childe’ was an untested knight. Like Browning’s Roland, pervert Roland journeyed towards the Tower to have a unique experience, and once turning onto this path he could not go back, instead moving inexorably toward his goal, then doing nothing except announcing his arrival. Though the journey is really mine, not his. And Pervert Roland knew why he wanted the experience – the virgin-whore art thing – while Browning’s Roland did it out of duty or fatalism. And I move inexorably toward the brothel where the artistic porn film/loss of virginity will take place; perhaps it is my own dark tower. And the loss of virginity, will, Roland has hinted, mean the killing of my ‘secondary personality’ Chastity (the murder theme). Another similarity is that, in the poem series, the girl confides in Roland (a character inspired by Lochlan) that she has murdered – a crime she imagines as loss of virginity/innocence. In real life, Lochlan was the first person I told about selling my virginity, and remains the person I feel most comfortable talking to about it.

The dark tower crops up in a lot of imagery: LOTR (Orthanc, Barad-dur), Harry Potter (Azkaban, Grindelwald’s home), C S Lewis’ unfinished story, The Dark Tower, the film Van Helsing, Stoker’s Dracula…though perhaps a lot of these images were inspired by Browning’s poem itself. Although the poem is depressing, I believe it has a positive interpretation, especially in Roland’s final show of defiance and the fact that he unbelievably succeeds in finding the tower. I don’t think the poem is morbid or that the tower represents death.

The ‘dark tower’ literature evolution

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childe_Roland_to_the_Dark_Tower_Came

Browning’s poem

http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/rbrowning/bl-rbrown-childe.htm

Analysis ( all non-academic, short analyses):

http://www.gradesaver.com/robert-browning-poems/study-guide/section24/

http://www.victorianweb.org/authors/rb/roland/roland1.html

http://voices.yahoo.com/analysis-childe-roland-dark-tower-came-by-5183043.html?cat=42

http://freejonah6.blogspot.co.uk/2007/03/childe-roland-to-dark-tower-came.html

http://www.victorianweb.org/authors/rb/roland/perquin.html

http://www.violetbooks.com/REVIEWS/rockhill-browning.html

 

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The worst thing Roland could do to me

In Brogue’s Scottish album I can’t remember the name of, one song, ‘By the light of the peat fire flame’ contains these lyrics: For the dream, the heart can weep blood.

And selling virginity is my dream. I don’t live in fear of Roland deciding he wants to stop, and neither do I pray for his acquiesence (because God should answer the prayers of people who are starving/politically imprisoned etc first) but if Roland were to say he wanted to stop, that would be unbearable to me. I’ve never wanted anything more. With all my heart, I want this. I need this. Even if occassionally it doesn’t make me feel good. Maybe because I do enjoy most of it?

I worry sometimes that he will stop, out of concern for me. I think Lochlan thinks of Roland as an opportunistic player who is uninterested in my well-being, at least in some ways. But Roland would stop quite easily if he thought I wasn’t into it, or that I was getting too attached to him. Still, I’d rather have this worry than be selling myself to someone who was coercive or potentially dangerous (not necessarily representing a physical danger/being ‘rape-y’ but just not seeing me as a person which could be harmful emotionally, especially for someone like me who’s very innocent and had a very sheltered upbringing).

 

Finally…photos!

Well, my faithful followers, it looks like you’re in luck! I have decided to post some photos for your viewing pleasure. The small print: no, neither me or Roland feature in these photos…sorry. But here they are:

I just found this a few hours ago while tidying my room – it’s Roland’s Post-it Note message that he sent along with a cheque for just over £12.00 for doing a spanking drawing commission on Gumtree. I charged £10 per drawing, and he sent a little to cover postage, which was nice of him. I got the idea to do commissions from Animeotk.com, a spanking art/forum site where I was given artist status and a gallery, and some other artists on the site would get commissions.

“Hi Kalika, Thank you for completing my commission. I look forward to seeing it 🙂 Here is £10 fee + something for postage, Roland.”

And the brush:

 

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Kristen Stewart: the double standard in the media

I’m glad to see that Kristen Stewart has finally emerged from hiding and is facing the world. Hopefully the media will wander off to find some other non-story of pointless celeb gossip to spin into international headlines, and we can all stop tutting and pretending we are saints, criticizing some 22 year old cheating on her boyfriend like it doesn’t happen every day in our towns – even to our friends. Actually, how many people criticizing Kristen have slept with someone they shouldn’t have? (assuming Rupert and Kristen even did go all the way, which they may have since both their partners left them, but there isn’t any evidence of this).

It is very odd that Kristen, who is not married and young, is being blamed more than Rupert who is a married 41-year-old with two kids. This is obviously just the double standard rearing its ugly head again.

Before we go into that, there are of course other possible reasons than the double standard:

Kristen is more famous than Sanders, therefore the stories will revolve around her more. This point is supported by the fact that the stories seem to revolve around her (ex?soon to be ex?) Robert Pattinson more than Rupert Sanders.

Kristen being dumped from the sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman could be explained by necessity; obviously, having her, Rupert and Rupert’s (now ex?) wife Liberty Ross working together on set wouldn’t be good for the film; actors must have good chemistry and work together well. However, Kristen is playing Snow White, so it would make more sense to drop Sanders or Ross.

These two points aren’t enough to convince anyone or to explain away all of the hatred directed towards Kristen – being called a ‘trampire’ by the New York City Times, Will Ferrell, and now people wearing t-shirts saying it. ‘Tramp’ – an American shame-word equivalent to our “slut” or “whore” is not being used against Rupert Sanders – even though he’s the one who is married! So, it is obvious that once again, it’s one rule for men – even if they’re married – and another for women – even if they’re young and single.

…And since when does having two men make you a whore? I know girls younger than Kristen who have slept with over 20 guys, they are not called whores. Or is everyone who cheats a whore? That would make Sanders (and a lot of the general public) a whore.

Twihards

As for the Twilight fans (“Twihards”), how can they hate their heroine – the woman who’s played Bella for four years and given her adolescence to the films they love – because of something she did in private, in the bedroom? Whatever she – or anyone – does behind that bedroom door is nobody’s business but her and Rupert’s own. This whole “scandal” thing is just a family problem between four – that’s right, FOUR – people: Rupert, Liberty, Kristen and Robert. Not everyone in the entire world.

And if Kristen hadn’t done Twilight she wouldn’t have met Rupert and kissed/slept with him (?) anyway. If she’d had a normal entry into adulthood she might even be a totally different person – for better or for worse.

And I’m betting some of her haters cheated on their boyfriends…probably with a lot more than kissing!

I haven’t read or seen any of the Twilight franchise, I don’t even know what character Rob Pattinson plays. Actually, before the so-called “scandal” I had heard of Kristen, but I didn’t know she played Bella; I just knew she was a famous young up-and-coming actress. So, I don’t understand at all how Twilight fans can be “shocked” or “heartbroken” that she kissed Rupert; I mean, so what? Maybe Rob played Edward and they were imagining Bella and Edward existed in real life? They need to grow up. How many of them cheated? That being said, a lot of Twilight fans support Kristen, too.

Why this sucks more than the Twilight franchise

This has been an everlasting, hyped-up bullying of one young actress that has gone on for exactly a month today and forced a talented girl to go into hiding for having a kiss. In this day and age, this is ridiculous. Especially in Hollywood, where marriages never last, cheating happens all the time and even the older people are jumping into each others’ beds – or cheating on their wives with much younger actresses. Even in America and the west more generally, this stuff happens all the time. But god forbid it happens when you played the lead in a major franchise, because obviously that makes you the spawn of Satan. If I’d done this, I wouldn’t be on the news, would I? The media only hounds you when you’re famous.

I’m sick of seeing public apologies for what two people do in bed. Both Kristen and Rupert apologised publically, and though their apologies were aimed at their respective partners, they were phrased as if apologising to the nation, and were posted online instead of told to the people that they hurt. Come on, seriously? Year 2012, we all have the right to have sex, everybody (especially in Hollywood) is fucking everybody else, and they’re apologising to the public? For the “embarrassment” she caused? To who? Who would possibly have the right to be embarrassed over what anyone else does?

Perhaps the saddest thing of all was that this wasn’t done deliberately; the media corporations didn’t sit down between 17 August and 24 August to decide how big they were going to make this thing on a scale of 1 to 10. They didn’t script in Will Ferrell or plot to make T-shirts, or decide to leave Sanders in peace. This month-long shaming of a talented girl was done – not accidentally, but in a non-planned way. And it couldn’t have been pulled off with more success, vitriol and emotional damage to Kristen (and her friends and family) if it had been a planned operation by her worst enemy. This shows just how much the double standard still rules us and how constrained female sexual behaviour still is – even in Hollywood.

Hopefully, the media will get bored now that she’s come out of hiding. It has been confirmed that in a week she’ll be promoting her film On the Road, so things will probably go back to normal soon. Reportedly, she and Rob have been speaking again. But things aren’t all rosy; while Liberty isn’t speaking to Rupert, Kristen’s name has been smeared a lot more than his has (if at all). According to TMZ, she “fears that her career has been irreparably damaged” (source below) and doesn’t think she deserves that for a one-off mistake. She also knows that she is being blamed much more than Rupert, instead of taking a half share of the blame like what normally would happen – actually, in a case like this, usually Rupert, the older married man, would’ve been given more of the blame.) Kristen is reportedly very angry and upset about this.

Kristen is being punished (several promotional appearances and a role in the SWATH sequel cancelled) while Rupert is not. She’s being punished for kissing a man. And here I was thinking these were “freer times” compared with the old Victorian double standard and restrictive morality…

:Links:

Articles defending her:

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/kristen-stewart-cheating-robert-pattinson-rupert-sanders-364538

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2181116/Kristen-Stewart-did-type-sex-Rupert-Sanders.html

The emotional damage caused to Kristen by the media’s hounding and invasion of her private life:

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/08/20/kristen-stewart-refusing-to-eat-robert-pattinson_n_1809763.html

Kristen knows that she is being unfairly targeted by the public and media while Rupert isn’t criticized much:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/22/kristen-stewart-emotional-break-down-depressed-angry_n_1822451.html

The “trampire” shirts that Kristen’s “fans” are wearing:

http://www.stylelist.com/2012/08/19/kristen-stewart-trampire-shirt-skreened-robert-pattinson_n_1808339.html

 
3 Comments

Posted by on August 25, 2012 in Feminism, Media

 

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Bristol Palin: Mock the woman, not the teen mom

OK, Bristol Palin and her mother are not exactly my favourite people in all the world. If you’ve read some of my other posts, – or even the title of this blog – you might deduce that, in fact, we are natural enemies. And you would be correct.

Bristol’s recent claim that Obama was just listening to his daughters on the issue of same-sex marriage was idiotic. (So too is the fact that she earns hundreds of thousands preaching abstinence when she herself wasn’t abstinent. And the fact that she isn’t in college when she has the grades to go to college.) I do not defend her claim, nor pretend to have an in-depth knowledge of that issue; I am simply uninterested in the whole thing, as I’m not American and neither Bristol nor Obama are as interesting to read about as Santorum, who is still my favourite lunatic devilspawn idiot. He will always have a place in my heart.

So, while I am opposed to Sarah and Bristol’s existence on the planet, I feel that we should not stoop to their level. There are some things that are off-limits, for our own good and the good of society and feminist principles. I’m talking about the comments below the stories of Bristol’s rant that shame and deride her for being a young mother. The comments include “she can’t keep her legs closed for 15 minutes” “shut your mouth and your legs” “Bristhoe Palin” “I bet Obama’s daughters wouldn’t end up preggers at 17” “where’s your baby-daddy?” “She’s a whore” and many others, depending which article you read.

Now, I understand that Americans – unsurprisingly – want to call her a slut because of the moral high ground she and her mother take, the money she earns indoctrinating innocent children with abstinence and repression, her mother’s abstinence education stance, and the threat to their freedom that they genuinely fear from her mother. If I was American, maybe I would see it diffeently; I don’t know.I don’t claim to know the entire catalogue of Sarah Palin’s ridiculousness.

However, these shame-words and offensive insults are saying that teen mothers are promiscuous whores, a very narrow-minded and untrue belief. Adults are more promiscuous than teens, and nobody knows how many men Bristol has slept with so we cannot call her a whore. They are shaming her just for being a mother, which is one of life’s great joys and, ironically, the traditional role for a woman.

Now, whether or not you are a good mother ot good father does not depend on your age. Women have the right to make a choice about when they want to start a family. And no, it doesn’t mean it’ll somehow, magically, ‘ruin your life’ – Bristol is choosing not to go on to further education, she isn’t unable to because of Tripp. Because of her earnings from preaching abstinence in schools, Bristol is rich enough to hire a team of au pairs to look after Tripp and her own chaffeur to take her to college.Bristol made a choice not to have an abortion and to start her family at age 18 – the age of majority and the second-last year of being a teenager, so it’s a bit of a stretch to even call it “teenage pregnancy”. She started her family with her boyfriend of 4 years, so calling her a “whore” also doesn’t seem to fit. Shaming women for starting families ‘too young’ and de-validating their choices, opinions and freedom to start families is only going to impact negatively on women’s reproductive freedoms and life choices.

So, let’s leave Bristol in peace – not for her sake, but for ours. Or her side – which aims to take away sexual, religious and reproductive freedom from everyone – will win.

 

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Torture

“Right now?” I said, lying over his knee.

“Right now,” he grinned.

My arm was still twisted up my back.

“You have to torture me first.”

“I think you’ve been tortured enough for one night,” he chuckled, and I felt his fat fingertip on my bum, “So I get you to give me answers and only ifI get the answers you’ll do it.”

“Yep.”

“So how many do I have to get?” he asked, rubbing my bottom.

“Five.”

“So I have to get all five?”

“Yep. And I can lie.”

He rearranged me on his lap and said “I want you to tell me your favourite colour, and what age you were the first time – or have you – had an orgasm.”

He spanked hard and fast, and I moved and closed my eyes, resting my face on my arms. It hurt a lot. Not like the gentle spanking he’d started off with, and I’d asked him stuff like:

Where do millionaires buy their socks? A: They let their wives buy their socks

Why don’t you live in a mansion like a proper millionaire? A: anything that could be called a ‘mansion’ in Scotland would be a million [He only has nearly 3 million and most of that’s in the company, so I guess he can’t afford it. Weird how rich people can’t afford things, just like the rest of us!], and I don’t need one for just two people

Do you have, like, a private jet you keep at the [Edinburgh International] airport?/probably phrased as “so you don’t have, like, a private jet?” in a disappointed voice. A: No, because they cost hundreds of millions. In the 1920’s being a millionaire meant having a lot more than today.

I suppose he’s right and a million isn’t really a lot; after all, half a million is only 500,000 which is a lot but it’s not that much; enough for 4 or 5 houses, I guess. And a quarter is just 250k.

He spanked my thighs too, which I’d thought I would dislike, but I actually enjoyed it.

 

Anyway, right now he was spanking really hard and I was moaning and whimpering a bit. “Are you ready to tell me?” he asked. “No,” I said, burying my face in the sofa arm. He spanked even harder, the noise of each slap really loud. I put my hand down to try and hold the burning skin, but he grabbed my arm and easily twisted it behind my back. As if to punish me, he slowed down a bit but made each smack come down really hard and each time he spanked me I moved. “It’s too hard!” I whined, and he stopped. “Well then, what is your favourite colour?” I shook my head and he continued, pressing down firmly with each smack. It was very painful and I realised that I’d underestimated his strength – or my resilience – and would never be able to keep from revealing the five things. He had all night to spank me. I could, I thought, quickly reveal four things and make him work for the fifth, but that wouldn’t help me. I needed to stall him.

So I said, “I need the bathroom.”

He stopped, and let me up.

In the bathroom I put cold water on my bum but I knew it wouldn’t really help me withstand it, and I had to stall him more. When I came out Roland made us coffee again, and I guessed he must’ve known I was trying to stall him and was letting me do it. By this time it was around 10-11pm.

 

 

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A long spanking

Roland made me lie over his lap on the sofa, in my favourite position. He lifted my navy and cream dress and pulled my tights down a bit, and of course I was in heaven. Then he just started spanking me, lightly, with the wooden dog brush I’d brlought. It was very relaxing and therapeutic. He was talking to me sometimes, I can’t remember what he said. His voice was measured and calm, like always.

“You can do it harder,” I said, and the smacks suddently fell heavier with a bigger slap/thud sound. After a while it began to sting and I shifted a fraction. Roland continued to paddle me much harder than the other times, and I sometimes moved my legs a little because of the pain. Then he made me pull my dress off, saying “Queen Tut was naked when she got spanked.”

“Well, her bum was naked, but she had clothes on,” I said.

“It’s the same thing,” said the CEO of the company I’m not allowed to name. (What a classy gentleman). “And let’s get rid of these as well,” he said, pulling off my tights. One thing I’ve noticed about this particular sex maniac is that he likes to undress me progressively instead of all at once.

He let me keep my bra on, for some reason. (I was wearing red and black underwear and bra; usually I wear red, sometimes black, occassionally prints in brown, cream or gold colours – not that it’s of any consequence since nobody ever sees it except Roland).

The brush seemed to hurt more now; maybe he was smacking much harder. Roland twisted my arm over my back because I kept trying to deflect the brush and rub; I liked that a lot. He tried out the different implements, saying “this is the spoon – and this is the other side of the spoon – now which do you prefer?” and “that’s the flogger, last time you said this was your favourite.” He took a few experimental swings, although I doubt he could swing very well sitting down.

It seemed like a short time but we probably did this for an hour or two (by the way, it was 2am before we attempted to go to bed and we were doing spanking stuff the whole time from about 7:30pm, which means I’m not as expensive as Roland claims because I was his prostitute for about either 7 or 8 hours, including the studio stuff, so it’d be a rate of either £150 (approx) or £125 an hour which is average price.) So he definetly got more bang for the buck that time. Heh. Anyway if he ever says my price is high again, I will point this out to him. It’s just a matter of him using his time with me constructively and making me stay for more hours.

Then Roland went to change the music which was pumping out in surround sound from his laptop to a playlist of songs about naughty girls, and I went to the bathroom and looked smugly at my reflection, just very happy (I’ve heard Ana spends a lot of time staring in the mirror in 50 Shades; I hope this blog isn’t becoming like the trilogy. But I don’t think it is, because I have my own agenda, motives, kinks, hobbies and character-specific skills, unlike Ana who is pulled into BDSM by Christian and just does whatever he says (with or without endless agonizing beforehand). And Roland isn’t an abusive, controlling stalker with feelings of shame about being kinky.

We had more coffee. Then the spanking resumed to the Scissor Sisters’ ‘Filthy Gorgeous’, Beyonce’s ‘Naughty Girl’, Sting and The Police’s ‘Roxanne’, Ciara’s ‘Love and Sex and Magic’ and the Pussycat Dolls’ ‘When I Grow Up’. Though I would also think Queen’s ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’, R Kelly’s Ignition/remix to Ignition (songs I’ve always loved, as it is actually the way I think about boys), Your Sex is On Fire,  and (from my point of view, and not necesarily about naughty girls/girls who should be spanked) Big Brovaz’s ‘Favourite Things’,  Gwen Stefani’s ‘Rich Girl’, Lady Marmalade,  R Kelly’s The World’s Greatest, Mika’s Love Today, Nelly Furtado’s Promiscuous Girl, The Bad Boys (are always catching my eye), The Fratellis’ Everybody Knows You Cried Last Night, Shakira’s She Wolf, were also appropriate…should I just Google phrases like ‘naughty girl’, ‘naughty boy’, ‘pervert’, ‘prostitute’ ‘slut’ and ‘spanking’ with the word ‘lyrics’??

Although who knows, maybe all those songs were on the playlist; how would I know? In the state of lust I’m barely aware of anything, though Roland seems capable of thinking clearly when in heat. I certainly can’t.

Roland spanked me for a long time with the spoon, brush and a paddle, and got me naked. He then bent me over a footstool or coffee table to whack me a few times with the flogger, then over the arm of the sofa. The fire was burning in the fireplace with no guard; it was beautiful. […]take me home tonight/Ooh down beside your red firelight…I like fire. Then he said it was time for me to be tortured/interrogated into revealing 5 things, and if I revealed them I’d have to give him a blowjob. It’d been my idea and I was pretty confident, a confidence that was to prove completely unfounded…COMING UP: more spanking, caning, anal toy, knife play, attempted vampirism, other weird random stuff…

 

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SlutWalks and blanket bans on porn/sex work

I just found a male feminist’s blog. His name is Hugo Schwyzer and he is a liberal feminist (not what he calls himself, but how I see him). In one post, he takes on Meghan Murphy, a female radical feminist (again, this label is attributed by myself).

Murphy, in response to a question about how she feels about the SlutWalks, says:

This so-called ‘movement’ is embarrassing. There is no cohesive message, no collective demands, and there is an unwillingness to name the problem, to address the root of violence against women. What will we gain from Slutwalk? The freedom to call ourselves sluts? The freedom to have sex with whomever we want, whenever we want? Well, we already have that.

[Really?! Female ‘pick up artists’ and players have it easy? Women don’t gossip behind your back if you pick up a different guy every other night or brag about your conquests? Men get called easy, whore, and slut? Girls whose parents are immigrants/Christian or who live in the U.S. South don’t face pressure to be abstinent more than boys?]

The fact that a movement which I had originally assumed to be, in the end, a protest against sexual assault and violence against women has somehow been conflated with sexual liberation is, well, confusing.

[It’s not confusing; it means we can protest rape while asserting our right to be sexual without fear of rape. Historically, only virgins could legally be raped. I mean, the law only recognised rape as rape if the woman was a virgin, not that it was legal to rape virgins. Historically, a rape victim’s sexual history was allowed as evidence in court. In the UK in 2008, a rape victim’s pants were shown in court as evidence that she had consented – the pants had the words ‘little devil’ printed on them. In 2008. SlutWalk’s message is clear – no more using shame-words to control women; no more rape. Women have the right to enjoy sex and be sex workers without being raped or being seen as “inviting” rape, a phrase which is of course a tautology – or that rape was ‘inevitable’ because of their job or lifestyle. Basically, the message is: no more slut-shaming, no more victim-blaming.]

Then, in response to another question says:

The fact that we do, as a culture, view men as the ‘actors’ and the penetrators and women as the passive receivers of penetration does speak to the way in which male power and domination plays out in the bedroom. And the fact that we have defined sex on that basis speaks to the way in which the world around us has been largely defined by men and patriarchal ideals.

[Yeah…isn’t that kinda what SlutWalk is against…??]

I’m going to stop reading now before I blow through twenty pages’ worth of blog. (That reminds me: Roland said I was good at oral; that is good news since it was my first time!) You may be wondering why I just put that last sentence in there, as it is irrelevant. Well, firstly because this blog is primarily a personal sex diary and therefore very informal with a sexual aspect; secondly, the word ‘blow’ really did trigger that meory of Roland praising my talents; thirdly, because I can; fourthly, I found it slightly amusing to do so; and fifthly – most importantly – I wanted to make the point that you can’t fully separate the politico-academic discourse and the lived experience. Which is what the radfem on that blog does, by claiming all porn and sex work should be criminalized even though some sex workers enjoy their work – because she “thinks” most of them don’t so it’s exploitation. How does she know??

Of course, one would have to be utterly insane to suggest that globally people (male and female, not just women!!) aren’t exploited by sex work. But common sense – as well as studies and academic texts – will tell you that, in Britain (and other similar countries) in 2012, most sex workers aren’t being exploited. Those who are exploited are usually exploited due to addiction or mental health problems (often exacerbated by violent partners)- they have little choice. But you are not going to starve if you do not do sex work. We have the NHS, benefits and council housing. We have agencies, programmes, funds and support centres that to be honest are just pure fantasy to people in other regions of the globe. I’m not saying that we don’t have many social problems or that every victim of everything is guaranteed help, I’m just saying that you don’t have to live on the street if you don’t sell yourself (although you may be harassed by the Jobcentre wanting to see you twice a week and send you off to do courses).

And criminalizing all sex work – thereby putting all sex workers in increased danger of violence – is not proportionate action to help the few streetwalkers who want or need help. Exiting strategies, rehabilitation programmes, training and the like are being used in Scotland right now. And they are dealing directly with the customers/sex workers who want out. Not like blanket-banning prostitution, which wouldn’t have such a direct impact on their lives/get them healthcare, off drugs, into work, teach them skills/SVQs, treat any mental illnesses…

And banning porn because it makes men rape? Women watch porn too, idiot. Women also rape; they may do it less than men, but it happens (remember the woman in Germany who locked a man in her house for three days and raped him over and over until he escaped and collapsed on the kerb outside her house?)  – and, if anything, men are probably even less likely to report rape/assault by a woman than a woman is to report rape/assault by a man.Maybe more women should be directing and scriptwriting porn, and owning porn companies. And more women should be watching porn – the only reason men watch more porn is because they’re expected/allowed to because of the double standard, which SlutWalk is trying to erase. Anyway, porn actresses get paid 10 times more than porn actors…so who exactly is being exploited? Porn films need men too, and most pornos feature a roughly equal number of men and women, but somehow the radfems are always silent about male porn stars being exploited.

The link to the blog post is here: http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2011/06/15/male-feminists-sex-work-and-slutwalk-part-two-of-a-conversation-with-meghan-murphy/#more-3998

And this is the general link to Hugo Schwyzer’s blog, it’s great! You should visit it. (Do I agree with everything he says? Nope. Does it matter? Nope; it’s really, really in depth and well-written.) http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/blog/

 
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Posted by on August 22, 2012 in Feminism

 

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In Roland’s house

Roland annoys me so much by constantly insinuating I’ll believe I’m in love with him. I still like him though. Sometimes when he’s less ugly, he’s halfway to being cute. And he’s so funny. I admire his independent thought, and how he doesn’t blindly go along with whatever the media or government or society bleat in his ear. He is very interesting.

He’s strong, which is another irritating thing about him; I’ve always taken my strength for granted. I was always in the top three strongest, tallest and smartest kids in the class all through school until about fifth year when the boys suddenly grew taller and got muscles. (And sometimes I actually was the strongest in the class). But Roland can move me really easily, even though I’m heavy for my height/figure. I can still arm-wrestle boys and win, though, so maybe he couldn’t beat me at that. Anyway it’s really irritating that I can’t force him onto the floor and pin him there.

In the studio, we were trying to get the handcuffs on each other; he was lying on the floor and I was sitting on him. I was using my legs and feet to push his arms down but after a few minutes of us wrestling on the floor, he finally got one of my wrists in a cuff. I quickly got it off, but I couldn’t cuff him and after a bit he cuffed my hand again, and later put the other cuff on me.  He was pleased, I could tell. Grinning like a perverted millionaire who’d just handcuffed a naked prostitute.Then he pushed me off him and I rolled onto the floor, my hands cuffed in front of me. I tried to chet and jump back on him but even that attempt ended in failure.

Afterwards we were talking about stuff and I asked him why he’d said he was 42 in reply to my Gumtree ad, when he was 4 years older, and why he’d said “I am 42 and professional but I have an interest in spanking” as if you couldn’t be professional and a spanko. He couldn’t even remember what he’d said or why he’d lied.

I found out that he’d guessed I came to the photoshoot to trial him! He guessed that after I said “ask me why I came here” as he was interrogating and spanking me after the photoshoot. How could he guess?! I could’ve just come for the spanking!! He said that, after he’d spanked me and he was saying that would I want to be spanked for money in his office or a hotel, he could tell that I wanted to but I just wanted the right price. He could tell that, he said, because “I thought you would be shocked. I thought you would say no. You said ‘maybe’, so I thought, ‘she wants to but she wants the right price.’ Your body language didn’t say no. You didn’t even seem surprised. I knew you were smart. So I thought ‘this is a smart girl, she wants a good price’.”

I was totally surprised. “How did you know I was smart? Because I had a degree?”

“Well- yeah.” He giggled. “And I knew from talking to you that you were well-read, so I thought, a well-read educated girl, she wants a good price.”

I couldn’t believe this. Usually others can’t see through my machinations.

“So, you knew I was going to ask you if you wanted to buy virginity!” I said.

“Well, no; not virginity, but I expected to hear from you later naming your price.”

Anyway, we left the studio and he told me what would’ve happened if I’d said my student debts were 12k on the drive – i.e. the same result or actually worse (it’s in the post called ‘studio bondage’).  Wegot to Roland’s house and what it is is a four-bedroom house with a big living room and kitchen, 2 bathrooms and a garage. It’s cosy, nicely decorated with a hint of the exotic – none of that modern or minimalist crap – so I liked it there. It’s not got much furniture in it. There wasn’t a swimming pool like I thought there would be and the TV was just a 42 inch, which was disappointing because ours is a 37 inch so although his is bigger, it’s not a lot bigger than ours. I had thought it would be a 50 incher or maybe cover an entire wall. I had thought he lived in a mansion. I had the printout of one of his bank statements showing over 1.6 million in my bag so I knew he was telling the truth that he was a millionaire. Roland had said, in response to me asking if his house was really big on the drive there, that it was big but not too big and just enough space that was needed, but I still had thouht it might be huge because everyone knows that rich people do not have the same definitions as everybody else. However, Ro is self-made/new money so obviously he’d be a lot more normal because he was once normal.

We were in the kitchen and I said I’d imagined his wife’s name to be Magda, for some weird reason (I thought he’d got a parcel but it was for his wife) and he said “Like Mary Magdalene” a reference I didn’t get till a minute later (his wife had been a gogo dancer and sex worker when he met her as a student).

There were kiddies’ pics all over, drawn by “Magda”‘s child’s kids (she was a lone mother when he met her) and I said “It’s a shame you don’t have a son my age; or I could do you a family deal.”

He burst out laughing. “A family deal?!”

“Yeah, then you could get a discount.”

He thought it was really funny.

He fixed me coffee – it was really good- and showed me this email on his laptop that he hadn’t seen for 12 years but he had accidentally seen just before he picked me up in Buccleuch Place – a huge coincidence, he said.He’d told me about it on the drive over; it was his interpretation of the dichotomy (in its art/literature context); an interpretation that did away with the duality of virgin and whore and introduced a third aspect.   Roland said in the email that the dichotomy is something he thought about, and divides it up into three strands, (virgin, whore and another one I can’t remember but I think it was the curious/adventurous dignified woman) not two (virgin and whore). In the email, he claimed this is his personal interpretation.I wish I could remember all of it and copy it here, but with reference to the dichotomy, I think one of the most powerful lines is a throwaway one – “I’ve been married to a dancer for […] years, amd therein lies a story” – according to the dichotomy, non-virgins (in present times, adventurous women, women who don’t want relationships/just need sex, and sex workers) are not marriage material and no man would want to marry them.  This was interesting to read but I was far more interested in the upcoming (Borat accent) SEXYTIIIIMMMEEE!!

Roland did some work stuff with the speakers on full blast with some of my favourite songs. They were the best computer speakers I ever heard; it was a very real – and loud- sound. It was a nice kitchen, too. He said he’d take me to the hotel later on and I relaxed, because I guessed I wouldn’t have to give him a blowjob until hours later in a different place, so I’d worry about it then.

Then he took me into the livingroom to spank me.

 

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The virgin/whore dichotomy: you can either get screwed or get married

The virgin/whore dichotomy is the source of slut-shaming, whorephobia and rape culture. The dichotomy is simple enough, if absurd; it is the belief that some girls want sex and others don’t. Secondly, the dichotomy confuses ethics and repression by naming women who want it as ‘bad’ and the repressed ones as ‘good’. Finally, men want to sleep with ‘bad’ girls and marry ‘good’ girls.

This means:

No grey areas. Women can choose to be a good girl or a slut; they are limited to these two unreal, impossible extremes which allow no scope for natural, real sexuality.

In popular culture, ‘good’ women were preferred, as they got their man (through marriage) wheras ‘bad’ women only had the man for a short time. Even 50 Shades of Grey carries the message that virginity is prized by men, is an attractive state, and is rewarded by ****SPOILER ALERT!!!*** marriage at the end of the trilogy.Christian marries the virginal Ana instead of his many previous girlfriends and one night stands.

The dichotomy leads to both genders seeing sex and marriage as entirely separate and not on a continuum of lust/attraction/friendship/love. In this way, the virgin/whore dichotomy is a cause of and closely connected to the madonna-whore complex (a psychological problem that makes a man unable to sleep with his wife, because he cannot connect love and marriage. He will instead seek out sex workers and have extra-marital affairs.)

The dichotomy also leads to slut-shaming (including stigmatisation of female single parents, young female parents, sex workers, and most commonly, bitching about other girls in high school and calling them ‘sluts’ while desperately asserting that you are definetly not a slut,…)

The worst outcome of the dichotomy is an aspect of rape culture – that victims are often blamed for ‘inviting rape’ by drinking, being out at night, wearing a certain outfit/showing skin, ‘leading the man [the rapist] on’, being in a bad area of town, walking alone down a street…

On a less disturbing, but nevertheless quite important, note, the dichotomy is indirectly responsible – along with religion which reinforces it – for the abstince cult (Daddy-daughter purity balls, abstinence education, virginity pledges, abstinence rings etc).

Why the dichotomy is totally stupid

I see no reason to use less colloquial/PC language but it is stupid!!! To the utmost level. Because nobody – man or woman – is either a virgin or a whore; human beings are complex, multi-layered, context-specific, culturally-influenced beings. A virgin may have a very ‘dirty’ mind, and a female Casanova a relatively ‘pure’ one. And how on earth can you compare two people? Our childhood development, background, experiences, friends, jobs, religion, availibility and expectations of sexual partners all heavily influence our sex life. If your partner talks you into sleeping with them, how can you be compared to a virgin with an abstinent or more respectful partner, when she has not faced the pressures that you did? Who can say who would have caved in the quicker, had the playing field been equal.

Furthermore, the dichotomy assumes that only women can be whores or virgins – men are all created equal no matter how slutty* they are. This of course leads right to the double standard.

The dichotomy is not equal – it doesn’t apply to men. Women do not want to marry male virgins and fuck whores.So, men’s promiscuity doesn’t harm their chances of marriage; they have a golden ticket to indulge their most slutty desires.

The implication is that women were/are given the goal of remaining a virgin until marriage, or she might lose her chance to marry.This represses and constricts their sex life.

This put men and women at odds with each other – women had to preserve virginity while men wanted them to sleep with them. Women who did lose virginity to keep their boyfriend would actually lose the chance of keeping him. Thiscreates tension in dating and relationships and is not conducive to a harmonious community.

Women who were literally ‘easy’ to talk into bed were not valued by the men.

It creates an ethos of mens’ goal being sex and the woman’s being the opposite which is unfair; men wanted virgin brides when they themselves were not virgins.

It means there can never be any concept of men being virgins or whores – or easy to get into bed/devalued versus hard to persuade and marriage material. It also precludes concepts of women actually taking the initiative or even wanting to sleep with a man without persuasion or coercion.

It leads to men telling lies or using coercion to get what they want; the sexes are literally battling each other.

Mens’ ethics are not called into question; if they are whores they are not ‘bad boys’, or, even if they are, they are called such in a much more flippant, non-stigmatised way. They cannot be shamed for losing virginity. Usually, the more slutty a man is, the greater his bragging rights.

Its premise is utterly delusional, as nobody is either extreme.

The dichotomy oppresses women, as it means we have less control over our sex lives and much less rights to an autonomous, fulfilled sex life than men. So, women are always unequal and inferior.

The dichotomy in the real world:

-Can often be seen in literature, non-contemporary art and religious scriptures

-Is less relevant in the west nowadays, however in certain regions of America it can still be seen. It also lurks, unseen, behind the double standard, rape culture, slut-shaming and stigma attached to lone mothers.

-Apparently some men still believe in it – even the whole ‘good girls and bad girls’ rhetoric. Never met one.

-Is not expressed in such strict terms; a relatively inadventurous woman nowadays may be the ‘virgin’ and a more adventurous woman the whore in popular consciousness, media reports and contemporary literature. Respective examples I just thought of are: the wife versus the lone mother; tabloid portrayals of “foxy”, promiscuous femme fatale Amanda Knox versus quiet studious Meredith Kercher. This was a complete fiction, as we do not know enough about their personalities, fantasies and experiences to even hazard a guess at who was ‘foxy’ and who wasn’t.- (As if labels like ‘foxy’ and ‘studious’ could somehow encompass and sum up the multi-faceted, complex characters of two people). In contemporary literature and also film, the femme fatale is usually also sexually adventurous, just like how the tabloids painted Knox. Ana and Kate are contrasted in terms of the dichotomy in 50 Shades, and the heroines or protagonists in literature and film tend to not to be overly adventurous, especially in recent phenomena (Hermione, Ginny, Bella, Babydoll, Ana) but also generally.

This blog

Through the dichotomy, women can choose one of two fictional extremes. This blog represents a challenge to that. As a virgin woman, I am selling my virginity – the ultimate whore act (prostitution of the prized innocence). So, which am I, virgin or whore? This journey proves that even if you believe in the dichotomy, you have to accept that the transition from virgin to whore is gradual. There is a huge grey area in between. If I am a virgin, do I become a whore the moment Roland and I have sex? Or the moment we finish? Somewhere in between? And if I am a whore, did I become a whore when I decided to go to the photoshoot to trial him? Or when I agreed to meet him at the Tower? Or when we finalised the deal? Or perhaps it is entirely physical; you may take your pick from my first spanking to oral sex or whatever act you think would change someone from virgin to whore.

Whichever way you look at it, this blog captures a transition from virgin to whore. It expressses a virginwhore, an entity who is neither and who is both. As we all – women, men, trans – are.

 

 

*’Slutty’ is used in a non-sincere manner in this blog. I don’t believe sluts exist. It’s just a tool to repress women.

 
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Posted by on August 18, 2012 in Feminism, Virginity

 

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Big Brother is watching YOU!

Here, young ppl can get discount cards from the Scottish government called Young Scot cards, valid from age 12 to 26. The point of the cards is to make life easier for young people, as they have little money; some shops give you a small discount if you show it when you pay. I always thought that it was nice and thoughtful of the Scottish Government to do this. I had one and lost it years ago. Beccause student cards gave better discounts, I never had it replaced. Today I went to a library that isn’t near me and my library card had run out there, so I had to apply for a new one. I was asked if I have a Young Scot card, I said no and instead offered my passport and bank statement as ID.

Then the guy started working on my application and told me to wander about for a few minutes. A couple minutes later, he called me back, looking very confused, and asked me why I’d said no, and pointed to the screen – where a huge photo of my lost Young Scot card was on the screen!! A card I’d lost 3 years ago, complete with a photo of me taken 6 years ago.

I said I’d lost it, he said he’d have it reissued and sent to me. I said okay, cos since I’m already on their system, I might as well cash in on the benefits.

The public library isn’t even a government agency and they have my card on their system?! Obviously the main purpose of Young Scot cards are not to give you discounts, but to function as ID cards/so the government can keep track of its citizens…the discount is to lure you to apply for one!

I’m not saying that Young Scot cards exist for some nefarious purpose or that their exitence will lead directly to the construction of the Paradise machine*. They probably exist for perfectly reasonable reasons such as to combat terrorism, crime and illegal immigrants.

I should mention, however, that to apply for a library card now (the new ones) you have to have your photo taken for the card…AND consent to all the information you enter on the form being shared with “other government agencies and departments”. The information you have to enter includes your phone, email, address, name, D.O.B. and occupation. So if you get a new library card, the Government will know your phone number and address. If you don’t consent, then you don’t get a library card.

When did we get to vote on this again?…

*A fictional spanking torture machine used by the Government on student activists and others. See ‘The UK Government Torture Act’: https://diaryofavirginwhore.wordpress.com/category/spanking-and-bdsm-fiction/the-uk-government-torture-act/

 

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Let them eat cream

I just played an RPG http://spankingadventures.webeden.co.uk, a ‘choose your own spanking story’ set in a mystical mansion outside of time where you start as a slave with the possibility of progressing to Mistress; the ultimate goal is to become Supreme Mistress, but it could be GAME OVER any time. It is a very detailed, long and varied RPG; it took me over 2 hours to get this far and I read very fast (so far I’ve reached Mistress level).

I really want to stay as Mistress in that mansion, until the end of time.

But I could not forsake my Egyptian palace for it, and my responsibilties there.

 

Now, back to the actual stuff that really happened:

Roland was lying on the floor of the studio for some reason and I was sitting on top of him, naked except for the purity ring, bangles and maybe a necklace. I don’t know how this happened – maybe he was lying next to me and I just clambered on him? I think I said that he couldn’t get up with me sitting on him. Anyway, he had clothes on which continued to irritate me, but I was equally afraid that if I took them off he would be all wobbly rolls of fat, undulating and bobbing slickly under his skin.

We were talking about some stuff and I began to thrust in a rolling sort of motion, first sitting and then with my weight equal on all four limbs; at first I was gentle, then harder and squeezing my thighs as each thrust was completed. I imagined that he was mine, to torture and to dominate at my pleasure.

“If we were in my palace right now, I could torture you,” I said. This amused him, but I can’t remember what he said.

I blindfolded him. Then I jumped off him to get the whipped cream, climbed back on and squirted the cream in his face, giggling, and then in his mouth, forcing him to eat it. “That’s for being a millionaire,” I said, rocking now, “I don’t like rich people.”

A little while later, being puzzled why he wasn’t getting hard, I asked “Why isn’t this working?”

“Because I know that’s your kink,” he replied, still eating the massive wads of cream, “And I’m not going to let you have it. And I don’t have much of a submissive side.”

“Wait – you can control it? All men can?”

“Yes, except in very few situations,” he said.

“I can’t – at all. I wonder why – but I guess women are just more sexual. We’re multiorgasmic.”

“Well, yes,” Roland said in a very educated tone, like there wasn’t a naked hooker dry-humping him on the floor of a studio, “I think that’s it.”

“But in some situations it would work, like how you can control yourself not to come but sometimes you couldn’t control that.”

“Yeah.”

“So if I wanted to, I could tie you down and do this and rape you and force you to impregnate me.”

He chuckled. I was moving backwards and forwards this whole time and it was having no effect. “Well, no, because of something called the pill.”

“Yeah, but if I wanted to get pregnant. I could force you.”

“Well, yes,” he admitted, still swallowing Kalika-cream, “you could.”

I licked the cream off his face.

 

Then he drove me to his house. On the way out of his studio and on the drive, I found out that he wasn’t disappointed that I would’ve done it for less, because he  wouldn’t have wanted me that many times if it had been for less (and neither would I; I hadn’t envisioned 8 times at all till he said it at the restaurant.)

I also found out that if I’d said my student debts were 12k he’d just want to see me more, so it would’ve been the same, as we might do more than 8 times anyway – well, actually, it would’ve been less as he’d have wanted 15 times for 12k so it wouldn’t be a k a time. So, I’m really happy about that! It was important for me to know that. I don’t think Roland realised it was important for me to know that.

He can’t grasp how much I love money.

As we neared his house, I knew which one it was, and I was correct. Sometimes I’m just slightly psychic like that. Well, actually, it’s not psychicness, but sensing certain feelings and the air.

 

 

 

 

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Slut-shaming YouTube vid

I love, love LOVE those “shit …guys/girls say” YouTube vids. I have ever since my friend showed me the “Shit Asian Moms say” video, asking me if my mother is like that (no).

But some guys and girls actually took the time to dress a guy up in drag and make a “Shit slutty girls say” video that says, basically, that if you visit Ann Summers or act like a guy (boasting about how much sex you’ve had, and admitting you enjoy sex) then you’re a slut.

Take off the guy’s wig and the video would be called “Shit studs/ladies’ men/Casanovas/legend boys/Frat boys say”. Double standard much? A great example of the virgin/whore dichotomy that this blog is named after.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNbas4h4w-8&feature=related

 
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Posted by on August 13, 2012 in Feminism, Film

 

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Studio bondage

We didn’t get caught, which was a shame because I bet Roland, millionaire businessman that he is, would’ve still gone as red as a little boy when caught taking shots up some girl’s pussy. Bet he would. And I could be all, ‘Help, he exploited me! He lured me here under false pretences with promises of taking clothed photos and building up a portfolio and making me a proper model!’

On an unrelated note, someone who read this blog has told me that my writing is really good. I don’t think it is, but a few people have said this. However, I can’t help but notice that my writing goes off on tangents -like this one – and isn’t very descriptive of, say, the studio, restaurants, etc. Anyway, I’m very flattered to be told this by someone who isn’t my friend in real life (because their opinions would be biased in my favour, and a couple of them have read my stories and poems which are better than this blog.)

I suggested he squirt the cream on – as Roland said, because I didn’t use the word and he (maybe) thinks I can’t talk dirty – “your pussy” (said with relish, like a naughty spankable company director) and lick it off. Which he did, though it didn’t bring me to orgasm. Was good, though. He made me wriggle and squirm and moan, though sometimes the feeling was too powerful or painful – but mostly really good, better than last time in his office even.

 

He went on for a long time, long after all the cream was gone (idea for a product: low calorie sex cream, “Be a whore! You won’t get fat no matter how many people you do!”)  and watched me intently the whole time. Then he stopped.

I was lying on my back, worrying about the cleanliness of the floor – which wasn’t very clean – anyway, Roland blindfolded me. He asked first, which was nice. He’s a good boy.

Then he put handcuffs on me. “Now, those are locked and I’ve got the key,” he said.

I could not believe I was actually lying naked on the floor of a possibly unlocked studio while a richguy had the key to the handcuffs – I don’t trust rich people, especially millionaires.

He wrote ‘whore’ on my chest with red crayon. Then he snapped some pics and, after a bit, my eyes adjusted to the blindfold and I could see him clearly. My vision isn’t good, but I have great night vision, so maybe that helped.

I giggled and said “I can see you.” He rearranged my blindfold but my eyes adjusted to it again in a little while. Roland took lots of pics, then he removed the blindfold, though this didn’t make a big difference to what I could see by this time.  I said, “If you put the key in my mouth I could probably unlock them [the handcuffs].” Roland smiled. “Actually, they just pop open,” he said, pressing a button on the side, “you could’ve opened them yourself the whole time.”

That made me giggle. “You lied!”

“Yes, I lied.” He was pretty proud of himself.

 

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Read 3 pages of 50 Shades…it was AWFUL.

In Sainsbury’s they were flogging (heh) the trilogy for £3.99. I thoiught, why not buy the first book so I can review it/slag it off on my blog? I did a post on why 50 shades is antifeminist, anti-kink and anti-sex here: https://diaryofavirginwhore.wordpress.com/2012/07/21/why-50-shades-of-grey-is-anti-kink-anti-sex-and-anti-feminist/

Yes, it seems ludicrous to call a BDSM porn novel with a female protagonist all of the above, but I have my reasons.

So, I stroll over and read three pages, wondering whether I should throw away £4 on such a stupid, worthless thing when I could spend the £4 on ice cream or a hair clip or something. I couldn’t carry on reading after 3 pages. Here’s why:

Ana wakes up in the hotel room after Christian has ‘rescued’ her there after she got drunk. Her first thoughts are ‘oh no, the drinking, oh no, the vomiting, oh no the phone call’ – LITERALLY. Read the book (don’t waste your change on it, just read it at a bookstore/friend’s house/Sainsbury’s) it literally says that. Like getting drunk is a HUGE DEAL when you’re a 21 year old student. Who are you, E. L. James, a pornographic author writing to help me get my rocks/ovaries/prostate off, or my mum? No, wait, even my conservative mum wouldn’t think it was a big deal.

Then, Ana thinks – ‘did we..? It’s too terrible to think of!’ – that’s probably not a quote, but it’s close. So, 21 year old virgin graduate Ana, sex is too terrible to even think of? Sex with a hot billionaire is a terrible fate? What kind of freakin’ snob are you, do you want a billionaire Olympic Sex Champion? A trillionaire? E.L. James, don’t you realise that a sexually repressed female main character in a porn book is pretty weird? It’s not like most women can identify with Ana; although most of us are repressed, most of us realise it to some degree and we’re not that repressed.

Seriously, I’m betting that this book doesn’t get banned in Iran. That’s not a good distinction for a BDSM porn novel.

Christian then tells her that they didn’t have sex – sorry, he didn’t have sex, because it’s obvious Ana is asexual anyway and the only reason she’d want it or not would be to please Christian or just lie still out of apathetic passivity. Anyway, he didn’t have sex because she was unconscious and he “isn’t into necrophilia” and has a sexual preference for the woman being awake. That’s fine. I’m OK with that; it’s lighthearted, it’s a fairly amusing response from Christian.  However, the characters seem to interact after that as if it wasn’t a joke, as if it wouldn’t have been rape if Christian had attacked her while she slept. Later, Ana wonders why Christian didn’t have sex with her as she slept and worries she’s not pretty enough, meaning that she’d be OK with that.

Christian then says that if she were his, he would spank her for endangering herself. He is totally serious. Ana doesn’t mind him saying this much despite the fact that it’s insulting, offensive and threatening – especially since he barely knows her and she isn’t into spanking so won’t be amused by the comment or find it acceptable. Even I, a woman with a domme preference, wouldn’t. say (seriously) to a man I barely knew, “If you were my boyfriend you wouldn’t be able to sit cos I’d spank you for having a few drinks with the lads.” Likewise, if a man I barely knew said this to me, I wouldn’t be particularly impressed.  And what was so risky again? She had a few drinks with her pals and got drunk? Has nobody ever done this before?

That was three pages. I put the book back, realising that there was no way I could buy it just to blog about it; I’d be doing about four posts for every page.

 
3 Comments

Posted by on August 8, 2012 in Literature

 

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Chastity’s blog post

“No vows, no sex”

Hello, this is me writing as Chastity White, a right-wing nutjob. I’m here to tell you why just the women you all should be abstinent. By the way, Kalika is not the only virginal slut/slutty virgin. Check out these other abstinent whores…I mean, totally serious photos that prove my points. If you believe in any other so-called religion that is obviously from the devil, leave now stay and be indoctrinated, you disgusting heathens.

“True love waits”

Women can make it easier for themselves to be abstinent by denying their femininty and degrading their sexuality. We must allow ourselves to be dominated by men, and wear underwear that expresses our dads’ possession of us as a commodity valuable only for our hymen.

Daddy owns me. Daddy’s a gun-wielding, violent maniac who’d murder his own daughter’s boyfriend, and he OWNS me. Help. Please. Child Protection servies? Anyone?

Another good tip is to be on your guard against impure thoughts. Never let a man have sexual contact with you – it’s your fault if he does, because you let him. Women are the guardians of sex and it’s our job to tell him no. It’s not his job to tell us no, or to control himself. If you don’t tell him no, that’s a shame on you but fame for him, because boys should have as many girls as they can. Their virginity is worthless but yours is priceless. This is all non-negotiable because it just is. It’s not even in the Bible, but let’s act like  it’s in the Bible and the laws of our country all at the same time.

Your virginity is your gift. It’s the greatest gift you have – worth way more than your intelligence, personality, good character, hard work, sports achievements, degree(s), religious or political beliefs…

Another argument is that this is all for your own good. Women get hurt by sex but men don’t. This is true for 100% of women and men even in vastly different cultures and historical periods. It’s just as true for homosexuals and trans people. The reason why women get hurt is that we are inferior to men and have a chemical called oxytocin that releases when we chat to friends or have sex; it makes us feel happy. Somehow, that interferes with our ability to not get emotions all mixed up with sex. Men don’t have this chemical or any similar chemical of course. That’s why men don’t have any friends. Obviously. And why men can separate emotions and sex; this separation is the reason why men don’t have committed relationships or get married. Only women ever enter committed relationships, because women fall in love whenever they have sex, and also they want commitment – men never want commitment, of course.

The hymen/corona is of sacred importance. Everything else is okay because it is the non-existent hymen that is symbolic. We know it’s actually called the corona, which never gets ‘broken’ and the ‘hymen’ is just a myth, but WE DON’T CARE. Seriously. So fuck off, liberals.

When you are abstinent, it is of paramount importance to comport yourself in a decent fashion. The abstinence cult doesn’t harm women in any way, or perpetuate the double standard at all. In fact, giving Daddy complete control over his daughter’s sexual choices in a purity ball or purity pledge is actually empowering for his daughter – even though girls as young as four are forced into these pledges. After all, what could be more self-actualising and healthy than letting Daddy decided who you date, and giving Daddy a key until the day you get married and he gives that key to your husband, symbolising the key to your heart and your virginity? This is very progressive behaviour and not barbaric or repressive at all. And although the fact that boys aren’t made to attend purity balls and pledge their virginity to their mothers, that doesn’t mean that we care more about female virginity than male virginity…it doesn’t…honest!!!! As to why Mommy isn’t the natural guardian of her daughter’s virginity, as she has of course gone through the same temptations and understands the urges and hormonal upheavals a young girl has to face, well…Mommy can’t guard her daughter’s heart. It’s Daddy’s job. After all, Mommy is just a woman…she doesn’t have a penis, which of course means she can’t be trusted with anything. Just look at the wonderful regimes in Iran and Saudi Arabia – they know the score. Just because some women – and men- in those countries vehemently oppose the laws and campaign for gender equality doesn’t mean the governments aren’t totally right. We should use their example in our own society by not having a separation of church and state. That way, we could have abstinence indoctrination – sorry, I mean education – in ALL schools, not just some. Then the virgins will be virgins and the sluts will get pregnant and be shamed by the community as they won’t be allowed contraception or abortion (in my ideal universe). The women would have only two choices: which will you be, slut or virgin? No grey areas, just black and white – if you’re not a virgin, you’re a slut. The boys can do what they like, of course, boys are naturally meant to have lots of sex. And everyone would be a repressed conservative and worship the government.

Women are of course passive and asexual, and we don’t have a right to anything more.

 

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