The Huffington Post recently ran a couple of stories (links below) on what it calls ‘sugar daddy’ dating websites like MissTravel.com (travel for free with a rich guy and sleep with him) and SeekingArrangement.com (which pairs up students and rich guys; the guys’ profiles include the monthly allowance they can give to the student. One guy’s allowance was 20k, while others state the allowance is negotiable.) The guys are called ‘sugar daddies’ and the students ‘sugar babies’. A lot of graduates also use the site. One of the Huffington Post’s articles described the site’s popularity as being because of the 9k tuition fees (which the site’s founder claimed was certainly a boom) and also because it’s “a few steps clear of prostitution.”
Why is it not seen as protitution?
I was amazed when I read that line – how on earth could a student sign up to that site thinking it wasn’t prostitution?? If you’re having sex for money, it’s prostitution. Even if you’re only choosing guys you’re attracted to (i.e. not like me, who chose Roland who I’m not attracted to) the fact remains that you wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t for the money. After all, that’s why you signed up to SeekingArangement.com instead of Oasis, PlentyMoreFish, E-harmony, Match.com, UniformDating.com, etc, etc, right? So it’s prostitution.
Maybe it’s the word “dating” that confuses people. Because if Roland was to give me a monthly allowance of, say, 2k for four months or 4k for 2 months, maybe that would look less like prostitution even though it’s exactly the same thing. So is it all down to timing? Is it that if you’re paid after sex you’re a prostitute but if you’re paid on a specific date each month you’re a girlfriend?
Of course, no doubt the men on those sites would say it isn’t prostitution and if they wanted NSA sex or a prostitute there are many other websites for that. And that any girlfriend or wife of theirs would be given money and gifts, so what’s the difference? Well, the difference is, these girls are just in it for the money. So, for the girl, it is prostitution, unless of course she is not just doing it for the money. But if she didn’t want/need money, she might not be doing it…
After the 9k fees, a lot more students registered on that site. So, if sites like this gain in popularity, they are inadvertently complicit in allowing the government to raise education costs and/or lower funds available to students, as students will be assumed to be getting money from these sites (and thus able to pay for education or not in need of large grants/loans), or expected to turn to these sites if they do get into financial difficulties. Also, the men are being screwed (pun intended) because they want a real companion or friend/girlfriend while the students just want money or wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for the money. It’s kind of sick that the government is – however indirectly and inadvertently -forcing students into prostitution. Though having professionals, police, teachers, social workers etc who were formerly prostitutes (whether they thought of themselves as prostitutes or not, they would probably see dating this way as a bit different) may not be a bad idea. They would be less judgemental and more mature and understanding, for a start.
Will other dating sites become obsolete?
Why on Earth would anyone use other dating sites when you can go on these sites (or others aimed at people of all ages like Millionairematch.com)? I’ve no idea why the other sites are still in use.
Will other types of sex work become obsolete?
It’s not uncommon for students to do sex work. I remember the news story about several Cambridge University students doing it about 10 years ago, and the university then gave them money. I think people overlook student poverty a lot. You don’t have to be so far behind on your rent that you’re facing eviction to think sex work is a good idea. You don’t need to be malnourished or unable to buy a jacket in winter. Sometimes the stress of poverty is really bad in itself. I know a girl who was at college, she loved it but was sick of being penniless – as she described it – that she dropped out to work in Tesco’s on the tills. That was three years ago and she’s still there. And this girl was living with her parents so she didn’t have to worry about eviction. Anyway, when students and graduates discover that they can earn a lot more by having a relationship and being treated nice by educated people, than by doing other types of sex work, there will be far less student sex workers. SeekArrangement has not been marketed very well (or I’d never have met Roland – I mean 20k a MONTH??! And I need 2 or 3 guys to keep me happy, that’s LOADS per month!) but as word goes around more students will turn to it. The site actually released a list of the10 universities with the most students registered; the highest number of students registered was 61 at one university.
It was good business sense to aim a site at students only, suggesting they get help with living costs and tuition fees. Because the rich guys want highly educated girls, and the girls don’t want to feel like they’re doing prostitution. And they need help with costs. And they want educated guys too.
It’s still great.
I can’t stress what a wonderful idea these sites are, especially for girls (unlike me) who actually like older men. One of my flatmates in first year said she preferred older men as long as they were younger than her dad (who was in his fifties, so Roland – who’s 42 I think – would fit her category then. Yuck!) Another Huff Post article (link below), written by Helen Croydon who formerly used the site, claims she registered in 2005 for this reason and warns against just doing it for the money. I wonder, though, if she would have done it if there was no money involved? Maybe. (I don’t mean to suggest that EVERYBODY who is registered there wouldn’t have registered if no allowance was provided, but I think it would definitely be less popular. And the founder himself claims the 9k fees boosted the site, so obviously money is a main reason for most participants). The students can choose who to date, by their allowance and attractiveness. So, if you’re already into balding grey-haired wrinklies, and you’re being paid a quarter of a million a year to do it, then that’s FANTASTIC!! The author of the article above claimed to have travelled the world, dated film directors, been given many gifts like loaded store cards, jewellery, designer shoes etc on top of the monthly allowance. She described how great it was that the sugar daddies weren’t available for commitment and how much easier this made the relationship, and also allowed her to focus on her studies. The only reason she stopped was because she became arrogant and uninterested in dating for free! Additionally, what’s to stop a sugar baby havingtwo, three, four sugar daddies and making a million during her degree, especially if it’s a five- or seven- year degree? A lot of graduates use the site too. Of course, I’m registering there the day after the consummation, or the same day if I can get to a computer fast enough.
Do I regret the mistake that was Roland? No. I never regret anything I do, capiche? At least I’ve got a more interesting, unique story about how this adventure happened, instead of, “So I went on SeekingArrangement.com like thousands of other female students in Britain and I was a virgin when I registered, so yeah that’s how I sold my virginity.” Because it’s not about how much money you can get. It’s not a competition – and anyway a 22 year old American student already won that competition – 1.7 million, I recall. She’s an inspiration, but she didn’t get that amount due to negotiation skills, it was just an auction. It’s about the story, the experience. And 20k per Month Guy and the other guys might not be like Roland, they might not understand me like he does or make this film and art out of it or share my fascinations with virginity, slutdom, sex and sexual repression. The fact he is like me makes this a real Adventure, an Art, not just a first time in a bed.
SeekingArrangement has a moral obligation to market itself better so all our daughters, sisters and friends can enjoy the wonderful experiences and money it brings. Also, where is MrTrave.com and SeekingArrangement for Sugar Mummies? Come on now, men are willing to sell their boddies too and rich women need sex!! This rich men-beautiful girls mindset is so sexist.