We drove through Edinburgh, and in response to something I said, Roland said “but you don’t have a husband,” which made me giggle because the thought of being married was incredulous to me. He said he would probably tell his wife (they have an open relationship among their friends) and I couldn’t stop imagining myself having a husband. I told him that although I’d always thought of myself as being a romantic as a teen, actually I’d just realised I wasn’t – since the age of 9 I had fantasised about having a husband. However, those fantasies consisted of me being caught cheating and spanked hard by my husband, or my lover being spanked by him. Of course, I also fantasised about spanking my husband (I am a switch). Though unlike Roland, I am polyamorous rather than favouring an open relationship. I don’t care for polyfidelity either. While I’m on the subject of my sexual preferences, I have never really wanted a boyfriend as I’m unable to be attracted to guys more than superfucially; I only want casual relationships and commitment scares me. It’s one of the reasons I wanted the installments – because continuing to see Roland aftrwards is way too much commitment for me to handle; I will need to lead myself up to it slowly. (I told Roland this in the Tower restaurant and he says I’m alternative sexuality). He seems to think my preferences rare. So do I, which is why I am proud of them.
However, there is one guy who I would consider moving in with, so this is an exception to my comitment phobia; he is poly too. Unlike with other guys, I don’t see him as merely attractive or just sex on legs; I see him as a person. Though of course I would never sleep with a guy who I didn’t see as a person; that’s just wrong and disrespectful. The reason I tend to see guys as just existing for my pleasure is that I never get to date the boys I like; the ones I like always aren’t interested or have girlfriends while the ones I don’t like follow me around like bitches in heat. So, basically, I never get to really know guys I would consider hooking up with so never get beyond superficial attraction. And none of my male friends are into spanking, enemas, diapers,pee/poop desperation, torture etc which are my kinks.
Anyway, we’re driving along under the Salisbury crags and Roland starts joking about making a legal contract,except that you can’t make contracts about illegal acts (or the contract is void) and I said “Well, prostitution’s not illegal, it’s just soliciting and kerb-crawling that’s illegal. So we could make a contract.” And he laughed and rubbed my leg and said “Well, there’s the whole ‘moral turpitude’ thing; and this, my dear, I think would count as moral turpitude.” Which was really funny, for some reason. The ducks and swans were flying off the pond when he said that.
“I’m your prostitute now,” I said. “I’m going to be a good whore for you.” We both laughed at that. It was kind of exhilarating – almost liberating? for me; I’m a feminist.